


Let's Burn to the Ground

by t0bemadeofglass



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Alternate Universe - Twins, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Biting, Comeplay, Complete, Dirty Talk, Doggy Style, Dom/sub Undertones, Double Penetration, Dubious Consent, Dubious Consent Due To Identity Issues, F/M, Fingerfucking, Hair-pulling, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Infidelity, M/M, Masturbation, Mentioned Hux/Kylo Ren - Freeform, Mirror Sex, Morning After, Morning Sex, Multiple Pairings, Older Man/Younger Woman, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Polyamory, Rough Kissing, Rough Sex, Size Difference, Size Kink, Squirting, Threesome - F/M/M, Underage Drinking, Unrequited Lust, Voyeurism, Woman on Top, minor exhibitionism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-06-02 14:02:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 39,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6569107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t0bemadeofglass/pseuds/t0bemadeofglass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey’s pretty sure she’s in love with Ben Solo, and has been for the past few months, but his asshole of a twin Kylo is a whole other issue and a half. When a case of mistaken identity leads to Rey falling into bed with the wrong twin, she finds herself in a hell of a situation that she’s 99.9% positive can’t end well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has been consuming my mind lately, and I'm so very grateful that it seems to be turning out well enough that I feel confident to post it earlier than expected. A HUGE HUGE HUGE thank you goes out to SpacePint, who not only helped me come up with this idea after I bounced the initial thought of Rey plus two Kylo Rens together, but who's also a marvelous beta reader and a fantastic friend. Seriously, I couldn't have done this without her.  
> Hope you enjoy! And thank you so much for reading!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: This chapter has been edited over, removing Easter from the chapter as I haven't really figured out just how I want to utilize religion in this 'Verse as of yet, if at all. Changes should be minimal at best.

According to Leia, the couple of weeks that had passed since she’d last seen her boys was far too long. It wasn’t as though they lived terribly far from home, or didn’t talk on a weekly basis, but even so it was far better to appease her. Easier, too. So when Leia offered up her house and food up so long as everyone bothered to turn up Sunday afternoon for lunch, who were they all to say no? It offered up another reason to get Han to do all the cooking, furthermore, which Leia was always keen to capitalize on from what Rey had noticed. As for Rey? Well, the Organa-Solos were as close to a family as she had in her short nineteen years. She wasn’t about to complain. Besides, she and Ben had nothing else to do with an empty weekend ahead of them, so why not?

With Rey at his side to help with the prep, Han was mostly distracted from grumbling about having to do all the work. The first holiday she’d ever spent with them Han had given her a look of surprised adoration when she’d offered to help him with the turkey. He could be as salty as the ham now slow-roasting in the oven, filling the house with the delicious scent of bubbling brown sugar and spice, but it made Rey smile to hear him gripe about the successful deals he’d pulled off, and even better about the ones he  _ hadn’t _ , which made for all the more interesting of stories. Every so often Ben would groan from where he’d taken to leaning kitty-corner to the refrigerator, his gaze meeting Rey’s every time, all but mouthing along. Leia had a quick business call to take, (no rest for the wicked, and all that), and Kylo was due within the hour. Rey had no idea why, couldn’t think why they even bothered to invite him honestly. All he did was complain about every little thing. Mostly Rey. It was to be expected, but it didn’t make it any easier when family gatherings had come around for the past eight months. 

At least she had Han on her side, and Ben. 

Ben took a sip of the beer he’d grabbed from the fridge, the glass already frosted in condensation from the early morning heat. “Dad,” he started with a fond, albeit exasperated, edge to his voice. “We’ve heard this one at least half a dozen times.” He rolled his eyes when Rey looked over to share a smile with him. She bit her bottom lip to stifle a laugh. 

“Then this’ll be lucky number seven, won’t it?” Han griped back, shooting him a look over his shoulder from where he was cutting the potatoes that Rey was in the process of peeling. She was at a loss to guess how many they’d already gone through, and her pile never seemed to get any smaller. How many people were they supposed to be feeding? “You need to stop complaining. At least I only tell the good ones over and over again. Your ma’s the talker.” 

Please, as if. Ben’s expression made Rey swallow her laugh with a choked noise that she quickly passed off as a cough, wiping her starch covered hands on the scrappy tank top and pair of shorts she’d pulled out of the closet. There were new clothes for her to change into before dinner, but she had no business cooking in them. Besides, it was uncharacteristically warm for a lazy day in April, and she’d take the nice weather while she could get it. It never lasted. 

It wasn’t too difficult to tune Han’s story out once he got started. Ben had been right right about him telling it so often that she automatically knew when to bob her head in agreement, and when to shoot him a look that promised yes, she felt the same boredom, too. Ben had already voiced his opinion on the subject, though, so Rey carefully led Han away from the current topic and tried to push a new, more interesting one. 

The door to the garage opened, and two sets of familiar voices echoed through the mud room, the both of which caused Rey to stiffen. Kylo’s she knew, had anticipated, but that he’d bring his . . . whatever they were, bandmate, Hux? Interesting choice of sticking the middle finger to his father on a family day. Han, at Rey’s side, had gone rather still as well upon hearing the cadence of the two men bickering as they toed off their shoes and made their way towards the kitchen. 

Rey cast a look over her shoulder at them, hoping to make it quick enough to keep from catching Kylo’s attention, but no such luck. Her boyfriend’s twin had gone with a black band shirt, the ends frayed, and the sleeves rolled up, his black hair slicked back and away from his clean shaven face. It never failed to freak her out that if not for Ben’s goatee and mustache she might not be able to tell the difference between them, provided they didn’t open their mouths to talk. His eyes lit on hers, though, not even bothering to be subtle about the look-over he gave her as Hux stepped towards the refrigerator, the thick tension going completely over his ginger head. 

“I brought libations,” he said simply, holding up the couple bottles of wine he’d come in with, stowing one in the fridge. “That one’s for Leia. She’s been badgering me for it for months.” He shot Rey a warning look, as though anticipating she’d steal it right out from under their noses, and she snorted. 

“Good to see you too, Hux” 

“But not me?” Kylo asked, voice lilting in a tease as he grabbed the still open refrigerator door to pick up a beer from the inside, and as if by instinct she felt her hackles begin to rise. They’d had a rough time, the pair of them. While Ben had charmed her from the get go, when he’d accidentally run into her as they aimed to take the same taxi by mistake, Kylo had known exactly what buttons to press to piss her off. Every other word out of his mouth from the first time she’d met him was either offensive, or just plain ignorant, and his attitude and mannerisms hadn’t really improved from there. Whether he was hoping to scare her away, or just was as unfriendly an asshole as they came, she’d refused to run away with her tail between her legs because some man-child couldn’t come to terms with the idea of his twin having a functional relationship. 

Just because the only decent relationship Kylo had was with his right hand didn’t mean Ben had to be the same way. 

“Hi,” she said simply, plastering a smile on her lips as she watched Ben extend the same salutation to his twin, the pair clinking beers jovially. Ben looked positively dressed up in the grey button down and black jeans he’d picked out, his long legs straightening as Kylo’s shoulders relaxed. Rey snuck peeks at them from the corner of her eye, chewing on the inside of her cheek. How was it that one child could turn out so perfectly normal, and the other . . . she didn’t quite know what to call Kylo, aside from prickish. 

Taking advantage of her diverted attention, Hux stepped closer to wrap his arms around Rey and squeeze her, bottle of wine still in his hand. His face pressed into the crook of her neck and she went stiff, her jaw clenching tight. Seriously? How many times did they need to talk about personal space? 

“You look positively delectable in that get up,” he murmured, breath hot against her ear. Was he drunk already?

She rolled her eyes, and her grip on the potato peeler tightened. “I’ve got a weapon in my hand. You really want to tempt me? You won’t look so pretty for your fans when I peel the skin from your face.” 

Hux grinned at her threat, though, entirely unfazed as he released her. As his arms rescinded she turned to look at him fully, surprised that he’d opted for a decent looking longsleeve henley. It’d seen better days, given that the edges of the cuffs were fraying, but it hid the tattoo sleeves that sprawled up his thin arms. A thoughtful choice, considering Leia couldn’t stand to look at them. Kylo rarely removed his shirt in her presence, keeping his back tattoos well covered up. Rey couldn’t blame Leia at all; who needed to see and identify their son’s back based on the thick letters “TRAITOR” stretched out across his shoulder blades? She’d yet to sit down to hear its full origin story, and at this point wasn’t so sure she wanted to. 

“Just joking. Can’t lighten up, can you?” Hux asked with a wide grin, his steps slow but sure. Not drunk, then. Just an ass. 

She arched a brow, smirking. “Leia didn't invite all of us together so you could accost me, Hux. I'm good without that.” At her side, Han snorted and accepted the next potato from Rey, and she set the peeler to the skin of the next. 

“Think that’ll be enough, if this is all we’re having. You didn’t invite your other friend, did you?” He asked, looking over to Kylo, who shook his head. 

“Phasma has plans, but Hux here couldn’t resist an opportunity to see ma again.” 

“Well, at least someone wants to.” Leia grinned from the doorway, phone stowed in her pocket, and Hux turned to grin at her, stooping when he moved to hug her. “I heard you saying something about bringing me wine?” 

Hux nodded, shooing the twins away from the fridge so he could open it to its fullest, as Kylo moved to sit at the dinner table. Ben slid up beside Rey and kissed her cheek. “Doing okay?” 

She nodded, feeling herself smile. When she went in for a kiss on his lips he shied away, and she tried to act as though it didn’t bother her. It was respectful, and she should’ve been glad to have a boyfriend who felt so strongly about it. “Yeah, great,” she assured him. “You wanna help shuck eggs?” 

He nodded and her brief disappointment was forgotten as he hip checked her, standing just beside her as he peeled back the brightly colored, already cracked shells, revealing that the bright blue, green, and red dyes had seeped into the egg whites when they’d dyed them. Dinosaur eggs, Leia had joked when they’d worked on them last night, and Ben’s grin had been a private one when he’d shared it with his mother - the sort that made Rey’s chest ache. 

She resolved not to think about it as they split the eggs in half, mashed the yolks with mayonnaise, pepper, salt, and a touch of mustard, and Ben filled the concave whites as Rey got around to putting the rest of the side dishes together. Leia took a seat opposite Hux with the uncorked bottle of wine and a pleased smile on her face, and Han would grunt and gently nudge Rey out of the way when he needed to open the oven and check the ham. Kylo was the only silent one, darkening the corner and still  _ staring  _ at Rey as though he expected her to jump through hoops or some shit. 

With half an hour to go, Rey slid away from the mayhem of the quickening kitchen to hop in the shower, her clothes already placed up in Ben’s room for safe keeping; Leia had insisted on it. Otherwise Chewie would’ve shed all over them as he had Hux’s jeans, the enormous hound having sat down right between his legs to wait, expectantly, to be petted. 

She tugged out a towel, hung it up over the shower. She swore she’d just stepped under the stream of running hot water before she had to force herself out of it again, shampooed hair twisted in a tight knot at the back of her head. She really ought to have done all the rest of this that morning, but she and Ben had been running late to begin with, and the last thing she’d wanted was to push her luck. Her makeup was easy enough, a quick brush of eyeliner and mascara, and she stepped back out into the hallway, towel tied tightly around her, to dash back into Ben’s room--

To find Kylo already sitting on the bed, his ominous clothes clashing terribly with the blue wallpaper. He looked altogether too big for the room that’d once been his brother’s, running a hand over his clean shaven chin, the only thing that set him apart from his twin. Well, that, and his general demeanor that screamed "Look at me! I'm an asshole!" She froze in the doorway, sputtering: “What’re you doing in here?” 

He looked up, as though he’d only just realized where he was, and slowly got to his feet.  _ Fuck  _ he was tall, and though she was intimately familiar with just how ridiculous it was to be dating all six-feet-and-three-inches of someone, did he have to wear it on his sleeve like he did? 

“Came looking for something, but I couldn't find it till now.” He stepped closer, his brown eyes darkening as they took her in, swallowing her up the same way Ben’s did when he was in a _mood_. 

She clenched her jaw, and pressed a hand to Kylo’s chest. Where she’d been expecting him to complain about her being at the house at all, this was a surprise and a half. “Get out.”

For a moment she didn’t think he would, as she saw him plant his feet in the well-worn carpet and watched his shoulders tense up. She could knock him on his ass any day of the week, but with one hand ardently holding her towel up it left her few options. Still, with his knees locked up and his attention so wrapped up in what skin she had bared she could make it work. She felt herself growing tense in anticipation, chewing on the inside of her cheek, but he moved. 

Like a panther stalking its prey he pressed past her hand, only stopping once he was near enough to run a hand over her bared shoulders. She hated how her stomach clenched. “One day you'll see that whatever it is he does for you, I can do so much better.” He licked his lips, watching while she glared at him. 

“Really? Because Ben doesn't do infidelity, drugs, or general assholey-ness. Might wanna rethink your proposition.” 

Kylo smirked in the face of her accusations, offering little more than a one-shouldered shrug as an answer. “Yeah, but at least I don’t mind actually kissing in front of my parents. I understand that you have needs as much as the next person.” 

She sneered. What the hell did he know about filling anyone else’s needs but his own? He was as selfish and spoiled as they came, as far as she was concerned. “Yeah. I’ll add blatant disrespect for your mother and father under your pros column, right underneath Being an Asshat. Besides, you have a girlfriend, don’t you? Or did this one leave you, too?” She was quickly losing track. First Order, the band that he, Hux, and Phasma had started some odd number of years ago, seemed to have an endlessly growing number of groupies and fans. She couldn’t understand why - the band was still local, after all, and hardly anyone outside of the state had even heard of them. Once she realized he wasn't exactly the settling down type, Rey had long since stopped trying to keep track of who came and went in Kylo’s love life. What was the point when he was with a new one every other week? She and Phasma, over drinks celebrating a successful show, had teased him that the only two people in the state he’d never have a date with were sitting right in front of him. She’d avoided meeting his gaze for the rest of the night after he flipped over a table in his irritation. 

“Sherry?” he asked with a frown. “No, I left her.” 

“Tits weren’t big enough?” Rey asked archly. 

“Hardly. They were far bigger than yours.” 

Right. _Dick_. She clenched her jaw and felt her spine straighten. Her breasts were  _ fine _ . “Well I’d love to hear about it sometime when I’m not next to naked, so--if you don’t mind.” She looked pointedly at the door, but he didn’t follow her gaze. She felt her stomach clench, and as if he’d caught the scent of her discomfort he stepped even closer. Was he kidding? She swallowed down the nausea rising in her throat as her grip on her towel tightened further. “Kylo--”

“Rey, Kylo! Dinner’s ready!” Ben yelled from the lower level. Kylo started at the sound, his eyes snapping to the door. A flash of irritation rose on his face but just as quickly died before he slipped silently around her. 

She didn’t realize she’d been practically holding her breath the whole time, or that the skin between her thighs had grown slick and slightly sticky. She ignored the sensation, throwing on a matching set of flesh toned bra and panties, and the cream colored dress she’d set aside. The skirt flared out, hitting just above the knee (she’d been sure to check that morning, not wanting to scandalize anyone), while the boatneck bodice was more than appropriate, she thought. Her hair was still, blessedly, in the wet, messy knot that she’d pushed it into, and she sped downstairs just after taking one last look at her reflection and deciding herself presentable. Leia offered her a glass of wine to go with her apologies for being late, and Rey gladly accepted, each of them turning a blind eye to the fact that she was still two years underage. 

 

\--

 

The little  _ tease _ . Kylo could hardly keep himself from salivating at the sight of Rey in her cut off shorts and tank, the tanned skin having made his brain short circuit, but now? She looked fuckin’ virginal, her dress showing off just enough leg to make him want to push all the food off the table and mount her right then and there, to hell with what everyone else thought. The color made her skin look bronze by comparison, as though she was some sort of statue that came from his own personal hell to taunt him. And he couldn’t so much as touch her because she was his brother’s. 

As if he needed a reason to want her all the more. As if he wasn’t already desperate for her--and it just had to be that she was the one he couldn’t have. 

A few minutes more and he might’ve had her  _ just once _ , if not for the call for them to assemble and eat. It was like Ben had known  _ when _ to interrupt. He had a knack for being perfect, so why not just go ahead and add impeccable timing to the list and make it complete? 

Said brother had command of the table’s attention, and the way Rey stared at him made Kylo’s chest ache in ways he wasn’t keen on looking into. Still, he stared on, fork pushing at the food on his plate, and tried his hardest not to hate his twin. That made it the worst of it; there was no way he could hate Ben, and that pissed him off all the more.

It wasn’t easy, but he schooled his face to at least look bored, rather than conflicted as all get out. Ben and Leia’s trip would last a month, at the very minimum, and Rey couldn’t get that length of time off approved at the dealership so she wouldn’t be going with. She looked over to Han and touched his shoulder. “I promise I’ll come and visit. Keep you company so you don’t go crazy while Leia is gone,” she assured him, her eyes bright. Ben shot her a proud look that made Kylo’s stomach twist. 

“Wow, don’t sound so excited about it,” Han said with a snort, though it wasn’t hard to see he was pleased. “You act as though I’ve never been alone. Before Leia--”

“Yeah, it was you and the Falcon,” Ben cut in with a snort.

“Sleeping in the backseat at night and hustling during the day,” Rey interjected, patting Han on the shoulder. Leia beamed at them, her hand moving to cover Han’s. 

“I think you’ve told the story a few times,” she admonished with a wink, and Han grumbled. 

“Still! I’m perfectly fine taking care of myself while you’re gone. I’m a big boy, I promise.” 

“That’s just it, I’m doing it for me. I want the company,” Rey winked. “You’re just a convenient excuse.” 

Han rolled his eyes. “Story of my life, girl.” 

That got a shared laugh from the four of them, as Hux took a deep drink of his wine and rolled his eyes just obviously enough for Kylo to see. He quirked a smile at it, but Kylo’s mind was racing with the possibilities of her being at the apartment. Alone. For a month. Each of them were less likely to happen than the last, and he was pulled out of his reverie only by the buzz of his phone in his pocket. 

HUX: I’m bored. Wanna disappear for a smoke break? I’ll let you blow me in the car.

Tempting. Very much so. Whenever his mouth wrapped around Hux’s dick he tended to be able to shut everything else out. It’d certainly kept Rey out of his mind in the past, so he supposed there was no reason it wouldn’t this time. Except-- 

He made a show of reading the text and sliding the phone back into his pocket without responding. In a couple minutes Hux excused himself to go at it alone, his hip jostling Kylo’s chair as he passed. 

Except he wanted to catch her eye again, wanted to see the flush creep over her cheeks and what was exposed of her collarbones as she remembered what it was that very nearly happened. What could’ve happened, had his brother not yelled for them. She was pointedly avoiding his gaze, but he was good at waiting. An expert, almost. He’d waited years for his father to take him seriously, months for the band to get its breakthrough gig, and the way that things were shaping up right then? Once Ben was gone, his waiting to get Rey alone might finally be done. If all it took was a little while longer then it would be worth it. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again: HUGE thanks to you all for reading! I decided to go with uploading the two chapters I've got written just to try and get the ball moving (and light a fire under my ass while I take advantage of what free wifi I can get), so I hope you enjoy! Updates might be slow from here on out, given that I'm working on a slew of other things as well BUT! I hope this is worth it.   
> Thanks! And mega thanks, again, to SpacePint for all her wonderous help <3

For all that she promised Ben she’d try and keep busy . . . Rey got bored. And quickly. Two of the four weeks had already passed, and each of them dragged into the next as if they were slowly being melted by the burn of her boredom. Work had, of course, dwindled down in an uncharacteristic slump, which meant most hours she spent up front with Poe and Finn, shooting the shit as they tried to make the day go by all the faster by streaming movies. She’d get the occasional oil change walk in, which helped to alleviate some of her irritation at how damn slow business at the dealership was, but aside from ordering a new transmission for a V-8 sports car she was fixing up for one of their regulars, there wasn’t much more she could do to. 

Sitting up front, binge watching episodes of Top Chef, wasn’t making her feel any better about not being able to get time off to go on Ben’s business trip, though. Poe, whose instant streaming account they were using, was quick to try and keep her mind off of it, to distract her, but it was hard when all she could think about was the five hour difference between them, and that he’d interrupt his sleep schedule so that he could talk to her every night. They’d been video calling for the past few nights, and she never got sick of seeing his half-asleep smiles or his bleary gaze as he rubbed his eyes to try and focus on her. Still, it wasn’t fair for him to have to do that when really she could’ve left and it all would’ve been fine. It wasn’t as though they needed her, wasn’t as though they were busy enough to warrant paying her full time. 

Not that she should complain. A job was a job, and for an orphan who’d only been taught how to work on cars from her piece of shit of a guardian, who’d specialized in swindling any and everyone who he ever talked to, she was lucky to have it. 

She tried hard to remember that when she was kicking her feet back on the desk, reclining in the rolling chair up front. Poe and Finn were working to try and throw jelly beans into one another’s mouth from varying distances, taking a step back when they made it, raiding the machine in the corner of the office for more of the small candies when they ran out. Poe pulled a face when the next one that Finn threw hit him on the nose and fell to the floor. 

“Finn, you wasted one of the cherry ones.” 

“Oh, well you should’ve caught it.” 

“Given the way you’re throwing no one could’ve caught that if they had a basket on their face and some sort of jelly bean magnet.” 

Rey snorted, looking over at the pair of them and watching as Finn pelted three at Poe at once, grinning as one hit their boss in the eye and Poe shouted in surprise. “You brat!” 

“Your eye can catch ‘em, why can’t your mouth?” Finn asked through a laugh that had Rey smiling in no time. Nerds, the pair of them. Finn looked over at her and smiled. “You wanna try, Rey?” 

She shook her head. “No way. You two are more than ridiculous enough for all three of us. Don’t need me getting mixed in.” 

Her attention was caught by her phone buzzing with an incoming call, and Finn’s attention moved back to Poe. Her eyes sought out the clock when realizing it was Phasma, and smiled to see she only had another hour in the shop. Nothing much she could do even if anyone came in. “Yeah?” She asked as she unlocked the phone and put it to her ear. 

“I’m bored.” 

As though she was one to talk. Phasma had the day off, assuming that her schedule hadn’t changed since she’d last told Rey about it, and Rey had been green with envy when she’d heard about it. Now? Well, she certainly sympathized, though she supposed it was better to be bored at work and making money than nothing at all sitting at home. 

“Wanna ditch work and come lay outside with me? It’s nice enough.” There was a grin in Phasma’s voice that had Rey’s smile widening, gaze moving to the cloudless sky just outside the window. She looked back at the other two, who were making eyes at each other. Last thing she wanted to do was intrude on that, truthfully. She’d had her fair share of it in the years that she’d come to know them. She loved Poe and Finn with all her heart, loved that they were perfect for each other--but the make out eyes and lip biting only made Ben’s absence all the worse.

She gathered her things from the desk and shut out of the browser that was playing Netflix. “Yeah. I’ll be over in half an hour. Have a bikini I can borrow? I’m not about to run home and get one.” 

 

\--

 

He supposed he shouldn’t have been so surprised to find Phasma and Rey hanging out together. There was a strange chemistry between them, an understanding that, if Kylo had to make a guess, came from being constantly underestimated. From being told time and time again that they just weren’t right, or normal, and so the two women had banded together, more often than not to Kylo’s detriment. Today was no different, and as he pulled up to Rey’s apartment he caught sight of Phasma’s long legs, extended and bared, lying out on a black beach towel next to Rey. The weather had only gotten warmer as the days had begun their slow progression from spring to summer, and he was  _ sweltering  _ in his own suit, the top few buttons of his button up shirt undone in order to try and coax some of the scarce breezes to help cool him off. 

Not that the image of Rey in her bikini was helping. At all. Grateful that neither of them seemed to have noticed he sat in his idling care and drank his fill of her body. Her skin was already bronze, and now it’d been slicked up with lotion to keep her from burning, he guessed. His mouth ran dry as he watched her legs shift, opening, and bending, as though to welcome him in. Fuck, what he wouldn’t do to run his hands over her skin, see if it felt as smooth as it looked, to run his tongue over her inner thighs, bite down on the muscle there and hear her keen above him. The black bottom fell just beneath her hipbones, and he wondered at how easy it would be to simply slide the fabric down past her legs and press his lips to her slit, to make her cry and dig her heels into his shoulders as she came undone under his mouth. It made his cock twitch in his trousers, now painfully tight, and he groaned as he pressed his palm just hard enough to his dick to dance on the edge of pain and pleasure. He’d only just gotten to skim up the smooth, flat planes of her abdomen, to where the thin fabric of the suit cupped her breasts, when he saw her sit up. Her hair was tied up in a messy knot at the top of her head, and with bated breath and disbelieving eyes, he watched as she reached up to undo the suit’s tie at the back of her neck. One of her hands kept her suit in place, situated over her breasts, as the straps fell down and over her arms, and she flipped over onto her front to undo the other tie, exposing her well muscled back and her pert ass to Kylo’s stare. 

Fuck.  _ Fuck _ , he could come just from looking at her like that, and the vision in front of him was going to be what got him through the lonely evenings he had a feeling were ahead. They’d only feel emptier and longer knowing how fucking close she was, how easy it would be to reach out and get to her. 

Hell, the only thing stopping him from getting out of his car, unbuckling his buckle, and mounting her like he wanted to was the fact that he was pretty damn sure she’d kill him the minute he so much as telegraphed doing anything other than wanting to talk to Phasma. Still, it didn’t stop his mouth from watering every time she so much as shifted.  _ Fuck,  _ there was something seriously wrong with him. 

It took everything he had to adjust himself, before turning off his car and getting out of it. “Phasma,” he called from his car, only a dozen or so feet away from where they were basking in the sun. Her sunglasses turned to stare at him, brow pulling down to see him so well dressed, and beside her Rey nearly sat up, before realizing her top wasn’t attached. He actually caught sight of the side of her breasts before she flattened herself back down with a curse. 

Yep. Right in the spank bank with that memory. 

“What do you want, Ren?” Phasma asked, lips pulled in a frown as he stepped closer. “I’m busy. It’s my day off.” 

He rolled his eyes. Just about every day was her day off when she wasn’t coding for work, and really she made her own hours, so why was she complaining? “Just had a meeting about playing at the Finalizer, the bar that’s on the border that just opened up. Think we’ve got us an in.” 

That got her interest, and she sat up on her elbows to stare at him. Objectively she was gorgeous, this he knew. Her legs ran all the way up to her ass, well muscled from years of running, and though her broad shoulders could give his own a run for their money there was still something distinctly feminine about her that teased the edges of androgyny. Of the few people he liked, she was party to an even smaller group that he trusted. 

“How’d you do that?” She asked, tongue poking out to wet her lips. 

“Well, I managed to snag a meeting with the owner.” He grinned, excitement bubbling into his speech. For some reason or another they’d only been able to scratch the surface of out of state sales. Being big was only something to brag about if you were playing nation-wide. Which First Order had yet to do, not for lack of trying of course. They’d been working at it for what felt like forever, but only ever landed a few out of state gigs at bars, or dives looking for someone to fill their open mic night. Nothing serious. 

Finalizer was serious. The owner, Snoke (his one and only name, it seemed) had his fingers in all sorts of proverbial pies. He’d worked with his fair share of music exects, music video directors, and now had opened up a bar at the edge of Coruscant and Corellia. Getting booked for the grand opening show had been Kylo’s mission for the afternoon, and he was so damn stoked he’d gotten it. 

Phasma tugged her glasses up and onto the top of her head. “No shit.” She knew there was only reason he’d be so happy. Even Rey looked impressed, given how high her eyebrows had risen up from behind her glasses. 

He nodded. “Opening night. First Order is headlining. There are gonna be so many people there, Phas.” 

Her lips spread into the widest grin he’d seen her, and Rey’s smile was just as bright. He puffed his chest ever-so slightly. “Pay out’s gonna be really good, too. 1500 each. We pay for our own expenses getting there and back, of course.” 

Phasma just stared, her grin fading as her jaw dropped. “You’re shitting me.” 

“I triple checked. Got it written out and everything.” He motioned back to his car where the briefcase holding all the documents was waiting, signed by all parties involved. “I mean, the coverage this is going to get makes it well worth not getting paid at all, but  _ fuck _ .” He ran a hand through his hair. “We’re gonna have to go through with a new set list. We’ve only got a half hour slot.” 

“1500 for half an hour?” Rey asked, words colored by her surprise. She’d been looking between he and Phasma, and fiddling with the edge of her towel, but now he had her whole attention. 

“Yeah, crazy, right?” He laughed as his gaze turned to her. “You should be there. Ben, too.” He wanted her to see him at his absolute highest point so far, playing for a notable member of the music community, making big money (at least relatively speaking) with his music. He wanted her to see exactly what she could have if she would just give him a damn chance. 

She shrugged. “You sure you want us there, or can even get us in? I mean--it sounds pretty swanky, so--.” 

“Stop trying to talk your way out of it,” Kylo said, and his words came out far more biting than he’d intended. “I already got two tickets. You need to be there.” 

Evidently, this was the wrong thing. Her eyes narrowed and her lips pressed together hard enough to whiten. “Please. Explain why you think you can tell me what to do?” She stood, her words leveling his excitement. Even though she wasn’t near as tall as he was he still felt sufficiently cowed. 

But, backing down wasn’t his nature. “Because your and Ben’s opinions are the only ones that really matter. And I want you there.” 

Phasma snorted, and with Kylo’s hair being slicked back he knew they’d be able to see his ears burning at the admonition. 

Rey ignored his embarrassment, whipping off her sunglasses to glare up at him. “And what you want is all that matters?”

Pretty much. “No.” 

“So what if I don’t want to go?” She asked, one eyebrow arching. 

He chewed on the inside of his cheek. She was strong, and damn fast, but the thought of catching her and dragging her out to the damn performance flitted through his mind and disappeared just as quickly. It probably shouldn’t have made him as happy as it did ( _What the fuck was wrong with him_?) but he kept his tone polite when he spoke next. “Then you don’t go. But I wish you would.” 

The spring air, which had just moments ago been ripe with excitement and possibility, now crackled with tension. Phasma watched coolly from the side, though it was the heat and intensity from Rey’s gaze that made Kylo’s mouth go dry. 

“Fine,” she conceded. “Start with that next time you want something.” 

That loosened his tongue. “Rey, I wish you’d fu--.” 

“Fuck off,” Rey snarled, prompting Phasma to burst into a fit of laughter 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am absolutely floored by the response to this fic, oh my god. I'm beyond flattered, and amazed, that you guys are reading this and enjoying it. Thank you so, so much for all your praise and amazing comments. You're all too wonderful for me, and I appreciate every word of it.

Rey groaned as she heard her phone go off even in her sleep, the noise prodding at her subconscious to wake up. She reached over to where it vibrated on her bedside table, sliding the lock off to take the call and pull it up to her ear. The clock at the side of her bed read half past five in the morning. What the hell? 

“M’yeah?” She yawned. 

“It’s a video call, babe,” Ben’s voice filtered from the small speakers, a grin evident as she fumbled with the device to right it and stare at at the warm, bright eyes on the other side of the screen. She missed him, missed the feel of his body against hers as they laid side by side in bed, where she could stare into his eyes without having to worry about being blinded by the light of her screen. Still, this was better than nothing, and she smiled as she focused. 

“Hi there,” he said after she yawned again, and she wriggled the fingers of her free hand in greeting, another yawn ripping through her throat. 

“You’re looking a little shaggy, could use a trim, Ben. Everything okay?” Her head tipped to the side, ignoring the scratch of her hair against her neck. She really should’ve put it up before going to bed, but she’d just been so damn  _ tired _ . Falling asleep had never been particularly easy for her, let alone when the house was empty. She’d asked Poe to borrow BB-8, his cute little dog, but even with the pup sleeping in the apartment every other evening it was lonely. Achingly so. She was no stranger to it, or having grown up for the most part on her own, but she sure as hell didn’t enjoy it. There was nothing romantic about being isolated, or lonely, especially not when she didn’t have to be. Ben’s absence was . . . complicated, and falling asleep in an empty bed sucked. 

It was her fault for getting used to him being there day in and out. 

“Yeah, it’s been a busy day. The firm is moving forward well,” he assured her, running a hand through his black hair. She frowned to see that, and wondered whether or not he’d assumed she wouldn’t pick up on it given how tired she was. What had gotten him so worked up if everything was moving forward well? 

“But?” She prompted. 

He sucked on his bottom lip, and she wanted to run her fingers down the edges of his face, smooth away the furrowed brow lines and the lines around his mouth.  They ran deep with whatever it was he was struggling to tell her. 

“Ben?”

“We might be delayed in coming home. I’m going to try and see if I can’t slip home early,” he said, and she watched as he kept bringing his gaze away from the actual camera, rubbing his right side temples with his free hand. “But it’ll be an extra two weeks. Mom’s going to work to speed things along, but it . . . could be some time before I’m back Stateside again, Rey. I’m really sorry.” 

Oh. She tried not to let her disappointment show, but instead nodded vigorously, offering him up instead a small smile. “Hey, don’t worry about it,” she said, her voice straining, she thought. Maybe he wouldn’t pick up on it. “If it’s going well to expand then that’s what matters, right? I mean, that’s what you came to do. At least you know it’s going to pan out, and you’re not going for nothing.” 

It was as though the pressure from his shoulders had been sucked out with a straw. He loosened visibly, and when he looked back at her his eyes were bright. He nodded. “Yeah, exactly. God, Rey. What’d I ever do to deserve you?” 

Her knotted stomach made her want to scream. She wasn’t all that damn glorious, she wasn’t all that great. She was selfish, wanting him back because she was fucking  _ lonely  _ and there was only so much that Finn and Poe could do about that! She wanted someone warm back in her bed besides a pup that had a tendency to drool over the duvet and fart when he’d gotten into the trash. She had her own variety of  _ needs _ that were going forever without being met, which really wasn’t easy given that up until this trip her libido had feasted on a steady supply of quickies and evening-long make out and making love sessions. 

“Well, y’know. You had to be a saint or something in your past life,” she teased, offering him up a smile she hoped read as sincere as she intended it to be. “Still, you know what you could do?” 

His eyebrows perked up. “Tell me.” 

Her teeth worried at her bottom lip and she smiled as she looked down, then up through her lashes at him. “You all alone? In your hotel?” 

He caught on too quickly for her to say much else, and she watched as pink highlighted his high cheekbones and reddened his ears. She’d always loved his embarrassment, found it disgustingly endearing, but something about this screamed she wasn’t about to like it. “Rey--I can’t. Not now, mom could walk in at any moment--.” 

“So?” She grinned and trailed her own camera down as she cupped her breasts through the thin fabric of her tank top and teased her nipples. They were already hardening enough to cause him to swallow audibly on his end. “C’mon Ben. It’ll be just like we were teenagers. Where’s your sense of adventure?” 

“Rey--not now. Please.” He sighed. “You can understand me having to stay but can’t understand me not being able to do that?” 

Her jaw clenched so hard she felt her teeth clack and grind against one another. Excuse him? “Right. Sorry,” she said, her words cut short and unmistakable as she dropped her hand and returned the camera to her face. 

“Don’t be like that,” he admonished quietly. “It’s just--it’s not the place for it. I want to but it’s--it wouldn’t be right to do it. Not now. I miss you.”

“Yeah, I miss you too,” she said sharply. “And you know I’m pretty tired. So I’ll talk to you later.” 

It was petty, but she endured his hurt puppy dog look at her rejection of his apology as long as she had to before clicking the phone off. Wanting to throw it up and against the wall, she instead opened up the browser and set it on the bed. From underneath, in a small shoe box, she pulled out the vibrator that she'd bought herself for her big 18th birthday. More than once she’d thought about bringing it up to Ben, to see whether or not he’d ever watch her play with herself with it, but every time she’d chickened out. The weight of the silicon felt familiar and heavy in her palm, and as though on autopilot she flicked through her favorite websites until she zeroed in on one. The video had just started when she’d begun to rub her clit, slowly easing the vibe on and settling it against her swollen nub as soon as she was wet. 

It was nice, and with the sounds of the couple going at it on her phone it helped her to further settle into the mood. Ben didn’t want to have any fun and help her alleviate some of her stress and loneliness? Fine.  _ Fine _ . She’d just do it without him; that was what vibrators were for, after all. 

She was grateful that BB8 was staying with Poe for the evening. The pup had a terrible habit of jumping on her lap when she was in the middle of her private time. Without the distraction or time crunch of trying to get it done with before the dog realized what was happening, Rey was able to slow down, biting her bottom lip as she felt the heat in her belly growing. The couple in the video were cute, but she’d seen it so many times that she could close her eyes and watch what was going on in the back of her mind rather than having to actually watch the video. The soft, throaty gasps of the woman as the man buried his face between her thighs mingled with Rey’s own quiet, subdued groans. She’d always been a bit of a screamer, much to her horror when Ben had first made her come and she’d about burst his eardrums with the shout that’d come forth, but now she bit her bottom lip and forced herself to keep her keening quiet. Not that she was ashamed that she was finding her own pleasure, she thought, as her hips bucked upwards as she swirled the vibrator around her clit. Not at all. But it was in the middle of the night, and her apartment neighbors probably wouldn’t appreciate her screeching to wake them up. 

She set the video down on the side table, knowing it’d just keep playing on loop, and her newly freed hand came up to grasp her breast. Her nipples had hardened underneath her tank top, pebbling through the fabric, and she’d groaned to feel how sensitive she was already. She tried to imagine Ben leaning over her, his tongue laving at her breasts, sucking on her nipples and adding hints of his teeth as she’d teeter on the edge of too much sensation, and yet not near enough. She smiled, and a soft gasp left her mouth as she pinched her left nipple between her forefinger and thumb, keening and bucking up into the vibrations on her clit, centering the toy on the bud and pressing. Her toes curled, and her breathing stuttered. She thought about Ben watching her, about Ben’s groans coming from the other end of the phone’s speaker. About how his pupils would dilate at the sight of her tank top being pulled down to show her breasts, about the way that Rey’s hand moved underneath the blanket. They were working on dirty talk between the two of them, Rey coaxing him gently to get more and more creative, because the low thrum of his voice did a number on her hormones, and she wondered if he’d give it a try had they stayed on the line? 

Of course, it wasn’t as though she could remember anything he said  _ now _ , when she was desperate to recall something--anything. She bit back an irritated growl and instead upped the power of the vibrator, rolling her hips now as she slid it down to tease her slit. She’d only inserted it once or twice before, but it wasn’t near as fulfilling as Ben was and she didn’t need anymore disappointment. 

She was getting close, and the mixed moaning from her phone, the sound of skin slapping against skin as the man drove into the woman, was helping her get there, if only slightly. Biting the inside of her cheek to keep from whimpering too loudly, she trained the head of the vibe on her clit once more and upped the speed and intensity once more until the toy buzzed audibly between her legs. She’d always hated the noise, but the more power the quicker she could orgasm, and it wasn’t as though anyone on the floor above or below could hear  _ that  _ well. Summoning up her memories as best she could, she imagined Ben between her legs, lapping at her clit this time, his nose pressed against her pubic bone, his wide hands gripping her bottom and massaging the sensitive tissue between his fingers. They’d never tried anal, but she’d wanted to, and maybe if she begged hard enough she could coax him to use her arousal to slick up a finger of his and press it past the ring of muscle back there. She wanted to know what it felt like to be so full she could hardly stand it, and given the generous size of her boyfriend, she had no doubts he could get her there. 

The moan that passed her lips this time was throatier, louder than intended, as she imagined him gutsing up enough to do it, the way he’d look at her as he eased his pinky finger into her while two of his other fingers fucked her cunt. His eyes would be dark, pupils blown, and when he’d have her on edge he’d pull away from her clit to come up and kiss her. Her mouth watered for it, open as she panted and grunted--so close,  _ so close _ . She’d reach up to grab his jaw, stroking the smooth skin there as his hands would speed up, and she’d kiss her way down his clean shaven cheek--. 

Her orgasm hit her at the same time as the realization of just  _ who  _ it was she was fantasizing about, and in the confusion, the pleasure mixed with the surprise and horror of the image she’d conjured up. She couldn’t be sure, even as her hips finished undulating and a strange contentment filled her, if the thought of Kylo between her legs had taken her breath away, or if it’d been her climax. 

Fuck. 

 

\--

 

Kylo sat up, body encased in a fine sheen of sweat, his cock harder than he can remember it being in weeks.  _ Fuck _ . That’d been a dream? He could practically taste Rey on his lips, could feel her body against his, molding to his as he’d fingerfucked her into oblivion, his tongue having lapped at her clit until she’d cried out and begged for more. Groaning with disappointment, he licked the palm of his hand and grabbed hold of his cock, working his fist up and down his length furiously. She’d felt so  _ real _ , he swore he still had the heat of her body against his. For all the shit he’d given Ben and Rey when they’d first started dating, about the height difference, the  _ age  _ difference (because of all the people to rob the cradle, Ben would never have been a thought to Kylo), he could really see the appeal. She’d been so tiny beneath him. Hell, if he didn’t know her he might’ve even called her fragile, when the truth of it was that Rey could never be categorized as such. She could fly apart underneath his hands and still drag her nails down his back hard enough to break the skin. He’d seen the marks on his brother’s back and sides, and the thought of her doing the same for him? 

He shuddered, and his pace picked up. Any other time he might’ve savored the remnants of the dream, slowed down to enjoy the idea of her small hand on his dick, or else the thought of her cunt squeezing around it as he fucked her, but he needed to come. He needed to come  _ right then _ . Gritting his teeth, he screwed up his face as he felt his climax nearing, and thought on how her face had looked, how her brow had scrunched up and her mouth had hung wide open. She’d let him kiss her, had kissed him back with such force he’d felt their teeth clash and her tongue press nearly uncomfortably into his. He’d shared the taste of her between them, and she’d devoured his lips in the process. 

If only she’d said his name he could die happy. He needed to hear her say it, needed to hear her voice laced with desire and need as he fucked her, ate her out, did any and everything to her that he could. He’d heard her in the past, but it wasn’t near enough, even as his slid his thumb over the slit of his cock and tightened his grip. It was beginning to chafe, but with a last burst of will, he came. He coated the sheet still over his cock, and his hand in the process, but the tension still ratched between his shoulder blades even as his body tried to relax and his heart slowed. 

It wasn’t enough. Wasn’t near enough for him, not when he’d been able to taste and have the real thing right in front of him. 

_ Hah _ , who was he kidding? He scowled and wiped the rest of his hand on the sheet, before ripping it off the bed and throwing it to the side. The apartment felt darker than before, colder, even as he piled on his other blankets and threw his pillow over his head. 

He’d only just closed his eyes, willing himself to fall back into that happy dream, to see her face and hear her whimpering, when his phone rang. Only one person would’ve been calling him at that time of night. Without having to look at the screen, he thumbed the call to answer and pressed it to his ear, head still under the pillow. 

“What’s up, Ben? Couldn’t sleep?” He could join the club. 

“Actually, Kylo. I’ve got a favor to ask of you.” 

Kylo resurfaced after a moment, frowning and sitting up in his bed. “Go on.” 

“It’s Rey. I . . . she’s not doing so well with the separation. And I just got the notice that mom and I are gonna be here for a bit longer than expected. Would you go get her flowers, or offer to take her out to lunch or something? I’ll pay you back--and I know you’re busy. But I’ll owe you one.” 

He hardly had to think, though his heart was racing. There was no way his brother could know about what he’d just--. There were stories about twins sharing memories and feelings and shit, but this was a whole other ordeal, wasn’t it? Kylo hoped so, oh. He really did. The last thing he needed Ben knowing was that he was dreaming about his brother’s girlfriend, and had just jacked himself off to the image and idea of fucking her. “Yeah, ‘course I can do that. Lemme know what you want me to get her, and I’ll deliver it. Or I’ll have Phas do it. Something like that.” He paused, swallowing thickly. “How long till you’re gonna be back?” 

“Few extra weeks. I told Rey I could try and sneak home in two, but . . . I doubt it, to be honest. Don’t tell her that. I’ll break it to her when the time’s right. She didn’t have to say it, but she’s lonely, and this separation isn’t doing her any favors.” 

“I won’t,” Kylo promised before he could think about what he was promising, that golden idea, that opportunity that’d come to him at dinner the other weekend coming right back. A few weeks? And a lonely Rey? 

Sleep wasn’t coming anytime soon, he thought, as he clicked off the call with Ben and laid back in bed, thumbing his phone absently. He had so many more interesting things to think about, now, that sleep sounded like a ridiculous waste of time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens! Hopefully I'll have another update out in a week or so. Fingers crossed! Thank you all again, so much, for your support! It means the world to me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, ladies and gents. The smut. All 3.4k words of it. Dubious consent due to mistaken identity tag comes into play here, just a heads up! If that is a trigger for you I'd suggest not reading this chapter. Sorry.   
> Other than that, hope you guys enjoy!

Rey was  _ exhausted  _ to say the least. The loneliness had been getting more and more difficult to stand, and to keep her mind off of it as best she possibly could she’d been pouring herself into her work, determinedly not thinking about the aching days ahead of her in which Ben would be absent. It wasn’t as though she could blame him, and didn’t, but it still sucked to say the least. BB-8 was with Poe and Finn for the night, and the house was silent when she got in. She didn’t even bother to turn on the lights as she entered, simply toed off her shoes and padded towards the kitchen to grab a beer. Friday meant a weekend without much purpose stretched ahead of her. She and Han had made plans to go get lunch, or dinner, on Saturday, but aside from that she had nothing else to keep her occupied. 

She could always call Phasma up, see what she was doing if she needed to. That sounded promising. Rey’s eyes screwed up with the light from the refrigerator, and grabbed a longneck, twisting off the top with ease before taking a couple long, slow sips. The hops played on her tongue as tears pricked her eyes from the carbonation, and she sat the glass bottle back down, half empty this time. 

Her body went stiff as the sound of a key being turned in the lock echoed through the abandoned apartment. Her heart jumped into her throat, and she clutched the bottle opener, sure that she could at least take someone’s eye out with the corkscrew, when she heard the voice on the other end cursing familiarly. 

_ Ben _ . 

He’d come home early. Holy shit, he’d actually done it. Why hadn’t he called? She stepped forward just as the door opened, and Ben paused in the doorway, his eyes fixing on her in the dim light that came in through the windows. 

“Hey. I’m home,” he said, voice hoarse. Beer forgotten, Rey flew into his arms, pressing herself up against his chest and feeling her heart expanding, fit to bursting at any moment. 

“You never told me you were gonna be early,” she said against his chest, breathing in the familiar smell of him, and feeling his arms wrap tightly around her. His shirt was an old one she hadn’t even known he’d packed, but the familiar brush of cotton couldn’t have been anything else other than the “Star Destroyer” t-shirt that’d once been his grandfather’s. The soft, worn material soothed the overly sensitive skin around Rey’s face, and she forced herself to keep it together. She wasn’t going to freaking  _ cry _ , she wasn’t that dramatic. “Why did you tell me you’d be gone longer? I would’ve cleaned up.” Not that he could see the near wreck she was convinced the apartment had become in his absence. 

She nested when she got lonely, and she couldn’t help it. 

“Managed to get away with mom’s help. I guess dad told her how badly you missed me.” His words were twisted up in a smile, and with a grin of her own she stood on her tiptoes and kissed him. It took all she had to keep from practically sucking his face off, sure that he’d be exhausted after the long day, but she shouldn’t have worried. Ben’s lips pressed just as hard against hers, his tongue slipping past her teeth to explore her mouth, greedily nibbling on her bottom lip. Rey couldn’t help but whine, and her arms slung around his neck. He held her just as close, the muscles of his body a little more defined, especially when he lifted her up and into his arms. Running was Ben’s gig after all, and bodybuilding was his brother’s, so--. The train of thought was lost on her as his teeth scraped against her jugular. He felt  _ good _ , after all, and his enormous hands cupped her ass with ease. It was probably just the distance that’d made her brain go fuzzy. She rolled her hips against his, her heart pounding through her ribcage as she felt him thickening against her. 

“You’re--not too tired?” she managed to gasp, nails digging into his shoulders. He shook his head. With a start she realized he hadn’t scratched her at all with hs beard, and a hand came up to caress the side of his face, needing to feel it for herself. She’d only said he was looking like he needed a trim! Not that he had to shave the whole thing off!

“Was getting scruffy,” he answered her wordless question. “Thought a clean redo, a break from stubble burn for you, might help.” 

Oh. Well wasn’t that sweet of him? She smiled, and ran her tongue along his defined jaw, delighting in how he shivered. “You’re too kind,” she purred. 

He crossed the threshold of their bedroom in a couple of long strides, sped up, if anything, by her actions, and deposited her on the bed. She yelped in surprise as the bed bounced beneath her, but took advantage of the situation to shimmy out of her jeans, her shirt and bra. Her hands stopped on the band of her panties. “You’re sure--.” 

She could feel the heat behind his gaze, as well as the smirk on his lips, as he stared down at her. “Trust me,” he said as he undid the belt with a slow click of metal, and the sound of leather leaving the loops of his pants. “I’ve missed you so much, I’m nowhere near tired. You?” 

She was practically vibrating with excitement, watching his shadow undo the button and zipper of his jeans, sliding them down along with his boxers, before he palmed himself. “No, I’m not tired at all,” she assured him, unsure where exactly his inhibitions had gone, but not complaining. With his back to the window she couldn’t really see his face or expression, the light from just outside shining down on her instead, but she didn’t need to, able to  _ feel  _ the heat of his stare. It made her mouth go dry with anticipation as he caught her by the ankles and slowly, teasingly, slid her closer to him. His fingers teased with the lace of her panties, the last scrap of fabric she had on, and wondered if she could convince him to rip them off of her. 

Convincing, turned out, to be unnecessary. It hardly took one swipe of his enormous hand and the elastic broke with a loud snap. Rey whimpered, but Ben’s lips was upon her core moments later and  _ oh _ . His whole mouth covered her slit, tongue flicking up and over her clit, before sliding down and into her. Rey’s back came up off the bed, her eyes widening as air lodged itself in her throat. 

Oh  _ fuck, yes _ . 

“Ben, oh shit--,” she gasped, digging one hand into his soft black curls and tugging. His growl vibrated through her, causing her to whimper and whine as she ground her cunt against his face. It was everything she’d missed and more, infinitely better than her fingers, toys, or imagination combined. 

“Fuck, Rey. You taste so good,” Ben growled against her, pulling away to bite her inner thigh. Her body jolted, her back arching once again as he slid two fingers into her with embarrassing ease. She’d have flushed if it hadn’t felt so fucking amazing. 

“You feel--so good--Ben, oh. Shit.” The words came out little more than an actual whimper at this point, and she swiveled her hips to try and take more. Her cunt greedily swallowed his fingers, and when he pressed the flat of his tongue hard to her clit she couldn’t stop from bucking and shouting. 

“That’s it, Rey. Wanna hear you moan for me. Wanna hear you scream.” 

Ben’s fingers angled themselves upwards, the thick pads passing over her g-spot so suddenly she actually jumped at the sensation. Where had he learned that? True to his request she did scream, her hands fisting in the bedding as she rotated her hips and tried to get closer to him, practically fucking herself on his fingers. He felt so good, so perfect, it astounded her. She’d never seen him with such a ferocity in bed before, not even the first time they’d shared an evening together. 

As irritating as the time apart had been, maybe it’d been entirely worth it. Just a little. If nothing else, it’d open up the door to conversations about doing this more often. 

He kept angling his fingers as he had before, the tips pressing with uniform pressure against that soft, spongy patch of nerves inside her, and in response something hard and powerful began to build in her gut. Her body didn’t know how to handle it, her heels digging into the bed, her mouth gaping as broken sob after sob left her lips. She was going to lose her mind, actually going to go insane from this. “B-Ben--what the  _ fuck.  _ Ohh, god. Ben,” she babbled, breath coming in short, uneven pants as he finger-fucked her even harder, fingers dragging out a “come-hither” motion she’d never wanted to follow so badly. 

“Just let it go, Rey,” Ben growled, the grin evident in his voice. “Almost there, Rey. You’re so gorgeous like this, all spread out for me. You wanna come? I wanna see you come for me.” His pace increased, and she all but choked on her tongue. “C’mon. Come.” 

She felt something  _ pulling _ at her, dragging her orgasm out with the ferocity of an impending hurricane, and everything around her gaze went dark for one brief, heart stopping moment. When her orgasm hit her it was like nothing she’d ever experienced before. Her thighs shook as her vision came back in startling quality, whiting out around the edges as she screamed. Ben, who had to have been getting tired, leaned in and lapped at her now thoroughly soaked cunt, slurping at her come that’d positively gushed from her, as though he was a man dying of thirst. 

She whined, overly sensitive, when his tongue brushed her clit, but he slowed down just enough so that she could catch her breath. His tongue slid over her slick inner thighs, groaning as he did and murmuring how sweet she tasted. All she could do was hum and drag her nails over his scalp. Her vision was still foggy as she felt Ben pull away to shrug off the rest of his clothes, and hoist her up and onto his lap once he sat on the bed. His cock, thickened with arousal, slid against her come-coated slit, and she keened as he kept it pressed against her entrance. Her back against his chest, he kissed his way down her neck. 

“You ready for round two?” 

 

\--

 

“You ready for round two?” He was going to hell, no doubt about it. Kylo knew it from the minute she’d walked into his life and stood up to him, told him to go suck a dick if he was gonna keep talking about her and Ben’s relationship the same way, that he would’ve done just about anything to get her in bed. Including, as it turned out, pretending to be his brother. 

In a moment of clarity he didn’t think she possessed, she hoisted herself up on her thighs, and slid leisurely down and onto him, whining the whole time. She took it slow, her cunt accepting him inch by inch, and he didn’t dare go any faster than she was ready for at that time. There’d be plenty of time for that later, when she’d gotten all warmed up and used to his size. 

He was  _ not  _ about to wonder whether or not Ben and he were evenly matched size-wise, had no desire to know, but she didn’t say anything about it feeling different or not. She simply pressed back and against him, her fingers moving to her clit to rub it in slow, uneven circles as she tightened around him, and he felt himself perilously close to coming. 

Thank God she was on birth control, thank God he knew for a fact she and his brother were clean. He’d overheard she and Phasma talking about it after drinks, that Rey’s biggest turn on was finishing Ben off inside of her, and that he was always so paranoid that it only happened if she took him by surprise. 

Well, she wouldn’t need to coax him into doing anything. He waited until she was fully seated atop him to reach one hand around and play with her breasts. He didn’t trust himself to fuck her face to face, no matter how blissed out she was on her first orgasm, and  _ fuck _ , how hot watching her come had been. His imagination could never compare to the way her face had lit up, how her once screwed up face had relaxed and her eyes had glinted, wet with tears from the sensation. More than that, she’d  _ squirted  _ all over him, and dammit he wanted to make her do it over, and over again. The aching in his wrist was more than worth it if he could get her to do it more than once. 

Once Rey started to rock her hips back and forth, shifting herself atop him, he knew she was ready. His fingers, which’d been teasing her already hardened nipples, traced the lines of her abdomen until they came to rest on her hips. He’d only done this a handful of times, but given how tiny she was he’d wanted to since he’d first started thinking about getting her into his bed. Gripping her tightly, he lifted her bodily up and off his dick until just the tip remained in her. She mewled in surprise, body tightening to try and keep him within her for longer, but when he pulled her back down onto him she shouted. Her toes curled, her head very nearly hit his as it snapped back and the  _ howl  _ of pleasure that reverberated around the room made him light headed. 

“That’s my girl,” he purred in her ear, “want you to play with your clit while I fuck you.” 

“Wh-what?” she stammered, looking back at him, but he’d already started, and so her words were broken by moans. “B-Ben. Fuck.  _ Shit _ . Gonna make me c-come again.” 

He was counting on it, loving how she came undone for him. As asked, her hand had snaked around to rub her clit, determinedly keeping her pace furious. His arms ached, right wrist already sore from having fingered her so hard, but by  _ God _ it was worth it. She was so tight around him, and warm enough he swore she must’ve been burning him alive. Her every moan and noise of pleasure set his heart racing, and though it was his brother’s name she kept repeating, he sure was enjoying the litany of curses and compliments he was pulling from her. 

He’d never felt something so perfect as her body wrapped around him. When she started to tighten around him once again, he angled his hips just so, and the thick head of his cock brushed up against that same, overly sensitive spot within her. Her scream would’ve raised the dead, but he’d take the ringing ears if it meant he could keep making her come. Her cunt tightened around him and he had to hiss and slow down his thrusting, determined not to come just yet. Oh no. He had a whole night with her; he wasn’t going to waste it on one position. 

As her body trembled with the aftershocks of her orgasm, he laid her out beneath him on all fours, running a hand slowly down her back. He could practically feel every notch in her spine, and her body was so small in comparison to his. He had easily been able to wrap his arms around her and hold her in place against him as he’d fucked into her, but he regretted not being able to see whether or not her stomach would bulge as he drove into her. 

All in good time. Once she realized he could give her what Ben never could, he’d have her. He just needed to wait it out. 

“Pull my hair.” 

He swore he was imagining things, but she was looking back at him through slitted eyes, her mouth parted as she struggled to keep her breathing regular. His left hand slid back up her spine and he knotted his fingers in her soft, brown locks. How many times had he imagined this? He slid out of her, then slammed right back in, tugging on her hair on the inward stroke so that she gasped and tightened further. 

“Yes, ah. Just like that. Please.” 

Fuck. He wasn’t going to be able to last long if she kept talking like that. She swiveled her hips around him, and as he kept a firm grip on her hair he watched as she fucked herself back on his cock. He wasn’t dreaming, right? This was actually happening? 

“Ben--ah, you feel so fucking good inside me. Oh my--holy shit. Ben.” 

Definitely not dreaming. In his dreams she’d be saying his name. Over, and over, until it was the only word she knew other than  _ yes _ . With a growl of determination, he met her thrust for thrust, the sound of skin slapping against skin mixing with their mingled grunts and groans. Rey buried her head in the nearest pillow, and he yanked her right back up, using his other hand to wrap around her abdomen so he wasn’t pulling her hair to the point of pain. “I wanna hear you, Rey.” His voice was low, and his words slid against her skin as he kissed and bit his way down her throat, but it did the trick. Her shouts grew in volume, her own moans were broken by breathless keens, and it all spurred his climax all the further. He wanted so much more than just this, but she had to be fading and fast, given the way she was riding his dick like she was dying for it, desperate for one last climax. Heh. As though he’d really let that be the last. 

His right hand slid down further, and pressed up against her abdomen, just below her navel, pressing hard enough so that he could feel his cock through her. She squealed, her body going rigid, and her head turning back to kiss him hard. It was little more than a clash of teeth and tongue, but when she came he swallowed her moans whole and let himself lose what little control he had left. 

He filled her to the very brim, his hand dipping lower to rub at her clit and ease her through the aftershocks of her second climax as he felt his own head grow lighter from lack of oxygen. Come dripped between their legs, and he swore he was going insane when he watched her drag a couple fingers between her legs at the come that dribbled down her thighs, and bring it to her lips to suck clean. 

“You’re going to be the death of me,” he growled in her ear, biting that sensitive patch of skin just behind it so that she shivered. 

“What a way to go.” Her voice was hoarse, and her eyes bright, as she turned back to him. He kissed her neck instead, and slid out of her with a groan from the pair of them. With ease, he slipped her onto her back once more, and his fingers found the same spot that his cock had previously occupied. Once more, he pressed his fingers to her g-spot with little remorse, wanting to see if he could make her squirt one more time, and newly warmed up from her previous orgasm she didn’t take much coaxing. Her face scrunched up adorably as she fought to cling to the bed. Her whole frame shook, a tree in the midst of a tornado, and when she spurted he leaned in to lap at her come and his combined, not minding the taste so much as loving to hear the noises it brought from her. 

 

He didn’t bother getting up to get a rag so they could wash up, curling up instead on the other side of her and tugging one of the blankets off from the side to wrap around them. She shifted, turning so that she was facing him, and leaned up to kiss him slowly, lazily, one last time. “I love you,” she said, voice hazy, as she smiled up into his face. His chest ached, and his throat clenched. Fuck. 

“I love you, too.” 

No way would this ever be enough for him. He was going to hell. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Rape mention within this chapter. Big time.   
> THE SHIT HITS THE FAN MY FRIENDS!
> 
> Thank you so, so much for reading, and I hope you enjoy the update. You're amazing! Each and every one of you.

The heat of Ben’s arms around her made waking up in the morning all the better. Rey smiled as she buried her face into the pillows, pressing her body closer to his as she took a deep breath. He felt so good, strong, perfect, like he fucking completed her or whatever other cliche she could think of. It was pathetic, she couldn’t help but think, how badly she needed him to be there with her, how much she relied on him, but he’d become a constant in her life. No matter what was said about their age differences, he understood her. He was equal parts goofy and serious, determined and driven enough to keep her on her toes without losing all of his humor in the process. He was a damn good guy, and the reservations he’d had once they’d started dating, a little before her nineteenth birthday, had evaporated with enough coaxing on her behalf. She couldn’t imagine being with anyone else in her whole life, not when he was everything she’d ever needed. 

In the back of her mind, she could feel him growing hard against her, and she grinned. Morning sex wasn’t usually something they had the time for, and judging by his even breathing he wasn’t all too aware of it. Trying to move as little as possible, so as not to disturb and wake him up, she shifted her top, left leg up and over his hips, widening her stance. With her right hand, she grasped for his slowly thickening cock and slid it with ease into her slit. She was still sore from last night ( _ and fuck, what a night that had been _ ) and so had to hiss through her teeth as he split her open once again ( _ had he always been that thick? _ ). Still, it was worth it once he was deeply seated within her, and Rey moaned as she slowly rolled her hips back against him. Behind her, he groaned, one of his hands snaking forward to tease her nipples and breasts. 

“Good morning to you, too,” he purred in her ear, biting her earlobe before kissing his way down to suck bruises on her neck. She keened, amazed. Hickies weren’t usually his sort of thing, but she wasn’t complaining. His teeth grazed the bruises after each one, all the more sensitive for it, as his hips began to meet her thrusts. With every push of his hips towards her he kept hitting that perfect spot within her, kept driving her closer and closer to finishing, and she whined as her back arched. Her hands found her breasts and played with them, taking over what he’d been doing and bringing him to groan as she felt him shift to look at her. Rey’s lips spread in a grin, and she twisted towards him to kiss him hard. His lips were chapped, and he tasted like her, but as he sucked on her bottom lip and ran his tongue over her upper line of teeth she couldn’t have cared less. 

“Getting close,” she admitted when she pulled away for breath, eyes shutting and face scrunching up. 

“Want you to come all over me, baby,” he moaned in her ear, and she felt his left hand move to slide against her clit. She keened. Her eyes fluttered open, and she looked down at where they were connected--. 

Her stomach bottomed out. Tattoos covered his upper arms, the familiar mask of their grandfather’s band symbol staring up at her, accusatory with its blank stare. Her heart stopped, and though Ben-- _ no _ , Kylo kept thrusting behind her, she could only hold on to him as she felt pleasure curl up in the base of her gut. It didn’t take long for him to realize what it was she’d noticed. 

He thrusted harder up into her, and the moan that broke past her lips was  _ not  _ done intentionally, but  _ fuck  _ she was gonna come. She didn’t want her body to respond to him this way, didn’t want pleasure to curl her toes or make her sight blurry as the same hand she’d come to recognize as  _ not  _ belonging to her boyfriend flicked her clit, as though he’d read the fucking manual for how to make her feel good. She shouted as she found herself fucking back against him, whatever spell she’d been cast in before broken in her pursuit of pleasure. Shit, shit shit shit. She didn’t talk this time, bit down until her lip bled to keep from moaning too loudly, but he only took that as a challenge. When her orgasm came she whimpered and tightened around him, never wanting to stop, and desperately wanting this to be some sort of vivid hallucination.

She turned to look at him, practically breaking her neck with how hard she turned to stare, wincing at the pain that lanced through her muscles at that. Kylo stared back up at her, his face drawn in an intense sort of concentration that made her want to be sick and moan at the same time.  _ How fucked up was she? _

Before she could say much of anything, he hoisted her bodily up, turned her around, and sank her back down on his cock. She moaned, knees digging into the bed as she pressed her hands to his chest. “You,” she finally managed to gasp, wishing it came out angrier, more indignant. Wishing she wasn’t still fucking rocking against his cock.

“‘Fraid so.” Kylo didn’t look apologetic, didn’t even offer a ‘sorry’ for what he’d done--what he was  _ doing _ . She snarled and pushed herself up and off of him, digging her nails into his chest none too gently as she stood up. He hissed, but let her go, watching as she covered herself up by ripping off the top sheet. The realities of the morning--of last night. Fuck. She’d just fucked him, initiated sex with him in the morning, and last night. She felt sick to her stomach, sick with realization, and how badly she’d wanted it. She grabbed the nearest thing and chucked it at his head. The mug shattered against the wall. He grabbed a pillow to shield his face from the shattered ceramic raining down, before getting up and out of bed. His cock was still hard, and she tried not to feel sick as she thought about how pathetically happy she’d been to just get  _ fucked  _ last night. 

She was a horrible, horrible person. She snarled at him. “You fucking sack of  _ shit! _ Pervert--what the shit is wrong with you!” 

“You weren’t exactly complaining!” Kylo insisted, and as she tied the sheet in place and stalked towards him she watched fear, legitimate fear, blossom over his face. Good. He needed to be afraid of her. She’d fucking slice his face open for so much as looking at her. 

She struck him hard against the chest, shoving him backwards, before trying to punch him. He deflected and defended himself, though she managed to land a handful of blows to his abdomen. They’d bruise, and she didn’t want to be so perversely happy of it but she was. 

She ended with one hand on his throat, holding him against the wall with a growl of fury that had him going still. She couldn’t kill him, not really. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t at least hurt him like he’d just hurt her. He just stared down at her, his eyes slitted as he stood as still as he could muster. She held him there, panting hard, the heat in her belly rising to her cheeks. “You’re a piece of shit,” she finally said. 

“I may be, but you liked it.” 

Her face contorted. So he thought her enjoying their sex justified it? “I thought I was fucking my  _ boyfriend _ ,” she snarled. “You  _ raped  _ me, Kylo! Don’t you get it! What you did--it doesn’t matter if I liked it or not! You raped me!” 

He went quiet, his brow furrowing as he contemplated her words, and she gritted her teeth, not content with his lack of a response. What, that was it? Where’d his fight go? She pressed harder against his throat, hoping it’d spur him into some sort of action, hoping it’d at least get him to say something--. Her body sang as she pressed closer to him, feeling his still hard cock against her. She hated herself in the way that she wanted to shove him down to the floor and ride him within an inch of his life, make him fucking  _ pay  _ for what he’d put her through. 

“You were lonely. And what happened last night--when you thought it was Ben--it was the best sex you’ve had in a long time. Wasn’t it?” He kept his voice quiet, forcing her to step a little closer to him. “It was everything you wanted, and not just because you miss him. Because I can fuck you like no one else ever can, or will be able to after me. My methods were . . . regrettable. I get that. I’m not gonna fight that.” He swallowed thickly. “Doesn’t mean that you didn’t enjoy it.” 

She hated him for reminded her, hated him for how fantastic she’d thought last night was, and how her body had hungered for it immediately that morning. Now? Now she felt sick, ripped in two, chewed up and thrown to the side for the dogs to pick at. “Enjoying rape doesn’t change the title,” she growled, eyes narrowed. “You piece of shit. I should fucking turn you into the police for this.” 

He didn’t argue that, but his gaze held hers the whole time, as though daring her to pick up her phone and call them explain what it was that happened. She snarled, and pulled her hand back to sock him in the gut. She might as well have punched a fucking wall for all the good it did her, and dammit if that didn’t just piss her off more. 

“Get out of my apartment, and stay the fuck away from me,” she demanded, stepping away from him, even as she felt her body hum with the loss of his closeness. There was something between them, something she didn’t want to admit to, couldn’t acknowledge, because  _ fuck _ she wasn’t that twisted and messed up. Was she?  “You’re such a piece of fucking trash, Kylo Solo. I hope you fucking burn in hell.” With every word she forced herself to believe it, forced herself to shut out whatever degenerate, terrible part of her had  _ loved  _ last night. She couldn’t. God, how had it all gotten to be so fucked up? 

That, it seemed, was it. He strode towards her in the space of two enormous steps, and Rey felt her heart jump into her throat. She refused to show any fear as he stared down at her, his face a scant couple inches from her temples. “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice hardly louder than a whisper, and her body  _ burned _ with his proximity. “But I don’t regret it, and you can say what you want about what I did, I won’t fight it, but you need to think on this: you like it. You like me. You like how I can make you feel, what I can do to your body, and I’d like to show you just how much more I can do when you know that it’s me. If you don’t want to see me again fine, I’ll make myself scarce. But if there’s the smallest part of you that wants more . . . Ben’s got three weeks, not two, that he’ll be gone. Think on it.” 

He’d hardly pulled away, preparing to turn and leave, when she brought her knee up and into his balls. He shouted, gasping as his eyes bulged, and he went down to his knees in a loud, hard thud. She kicked him onto his side and stepped over him to flee into the bathroom, bolting herself in there. With the door firmly locked behind her, she dropped down to the floor, buried her face in her arms, and sobbed. 

If he was trash, what did that make her, if he was right about her liking it? 

 

\--

 

He’d fucked up. That was putting it about as simply as he could, and still that seemed a universe worth of an understatement. Swallowing thickly, he moved to collect his clothes, mind whirring as he tried to come up with some variation of a plan. Something he could do to put this right. The words she’d so venomously hurled at him reverberated in the concrete thick silence that hung between them. Rape. 

That’d never been his intention. The word brought with it violent connotations, aggressive acts of dominance and power. A delight in the nonconsensual sexual pain and torment of someone else. He’d only been trying to show her what he could offer, what it was he could do for her. Was that too much? He’d gone about it in the wrong way, he knew, scowling as he tugged his shirt back on. How else should he have done it, though? Getting her drunk would’ve been just as bad, and she’d been so  _ responsive _ last night. He shivered, cock hardening at how good she’d felt, both then and this morning. To think he’d never have that again? He remembered how his chest had tightened to hear her say “I love you,” and with a grunt of irritation he shouldered his way from the room. Everything was left in place where it was last night, the pair of them were too caught up in the moment to do anything. Her beer was left on the counter, and he considered pouring it into a travel mug for him to drink once he got home. Might as well start early when something was telling him that drinking was going to be a day-long event. 

It never made it into the mug, and Rey found him a few minutes later with his lips wrapped around the top, guzzling the stale, warm liquid. He hadn’t even realized she was there until she cleared her throat. Her eyes were red and wet, but she didn’t shy away from meeting his gaze herself. 

“Drinking my beer, too?” she asked, tone desert dry. 

He swallowed and set the bottle hard on the counter. “There are thirsty kids in the world.” The line sounded lame, even to his ears. 

She didn’t smile or comment, and he was grateful for the latter. Her arms wrapped tighter around herself while her expression grew hard. “You owe me an explanation at the very least. I shouldn’t even be talking to you--I should’ve called someone but . . . but all I can ask myself, all I can think of, is why? You hate me.” 

“Hardly,” he said without thinking. She looked startled. 

“Then why are you such an asshole?” she asked, before shaking her head. “No. Don’t answer that, it’s not the question I want to ask. Why did you do . . . this? Pretend to be Ben, get into bed with me?” 

“How is it you think I hate you?” he asked, fixing on the easiest topic she’d presented.

Her lips pursed. “You first.” 

Damn. “Rey, you know Ben about as well as any of us. Does he strike you as the type to date someone nearly ten years his junior? Don’t give me that look--It’s relevant, I promise.” 

She shot him a glare, but shook her head. “No. That’s why you teased him for the first month and a half of our relationship.” 

Kylo nodded. Yeah, no point denying it. “I knew that if he saw something in you, something that was enough to compromise his morals and beliefs? I’d either hate you, or have to have you myself.” 

“That’s fucked up.” 

“You don’t find it romantic?” he snorted. 

“That’s. Fucked. Up.” 

Kylo shrugged. “I never pretend to be something I’m not--and last night doesn’t count!” 

She smiled, shifted and broken though it was. He’d call that a victory in itself. He allowed himself a small smile as well, and stepped towards her. Too far, too fast, as she took a step backwards, the smile on her face disappearing. “Either way. So. I tried the whole pretending to hate you shtick. Thought it’d help me get over you, keep my distance. But you--you’re so damn witty, and snarky, and I couldn’t stop  _ wanting _ you. So I just thought--Ben’s away. I’m never gonna get another chance to show you how happy I can make you. I know that we disagree on, well, a whole lot, but whatever it is you and Ben have? I want it.” 

That was how it always had been. He’d tried taking everything else his twin had had, so why should his girlfriend be any different? And why was he feeling so shitty after everything that’d happened? His stomach had yet to unclench, his throat felt scratchy, and though Rey was as keen to keep his gaze as ever he was desperate to find something else to look at. The beer in his hand was the perfect subject. 

“Look--I’m far from fucking perfect. I won’t ever say that I can give you anything that he can. But last night? Even if you thought it was him, you know that felt good. And you know I can make you feel that good all the time. I can--.” 

“You can what, work on it?” Her voice was sarcastic, disbelieving, and he found he didn’t have the strength to say otherwise. She was right for being so disbelieving, right to not take his word at first glance. He didn’t have romance running through his veins, could hardly be considered the most viable candidate for a meaning, fulfilling relationship, but damn they had fun last night. 

“I can make up for it,” he finished. “Even if it’s not a relationship you want--even if it’s just . . . a booty call. I know you’re lonely. I could tell that even before last night. And Ben’s gonna be gone for three weeks.” 

Her brow creased. “He said--.” 

“He didn’t want to break the news to you when you were already so sad by him having to extend it.” 

He watched as the tears crowded the corners of her eyes once more, and she looked away to blink them out. Kylo shoved his hands in his pockets. 

“I think you should leave, Kylo. Leave the spare key, and just--you should go.” 

He didn’t fight it. He slid the key from his pocket onto the counter, having forgotten he even had it until she’d spoken, and without another word he slipped from the apartment. Yes. A day of drinking was  _ definitely  _ in order. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Yeah. Two updates!

She missed her dinner with Han, and didn’t end up leaving her apartment for the rest of the weekend. Monday was spent in a blur, hardly recognizing what it was she was working on, her hands going through the motions of fixing up whatever parts were set before her. Her mind was too full, too tumultuous and confused and fucking _lost_ to know what it was she ought to do. When Ben called her on Wednesday to see how her weekend had gone she’d burst into tears in front of him, tongue caught in limbo between the truth and a lie. His painstruck expression had only made it worse, and when he promised he’d try and get to her as soon as he could she couldn’t even find it in her to tell him _why_ she was so upset, only that she missed him.

 

The bed was too large Wednesday night, too empty. She lost track of how many minutes she watched tick by, how many times she tried different positions, tried getting herself off to find some sort of release, but it only frustrated her more. Her tear ducts had expended themselves, so crying herself to sleep wasn’t even an option anymore.

She moved out to the couch, and called in at two on Thursday the morning, leaving a broken up message on the machine to let them know that she wouldn’t be there tomorrow. Finn had already asked what was wrong yesterday, so at least she had probable cause for taking the next day off.

Her thumb scrolled through her contacts after she’d left the message, the harsh light of her phone making her squint in the dark, even with the brightness all the way down. She’d stopped at K, and her eyes read over and over Kylo’s name, her thumb hovering over his number.

She was an idiot. A fucking, huge idiot, the worst girlfriend in the whole world. She tapped out a text before she got to her feet, slid on her flip flops and a jacket, and headed out before she could start second guessing herself. The empty streets weren’t helping her wandering mind, but at least with her thoughts preoccupied it made the miles go by all the faster. He’d been groggy in responding to her texts, and she’d pushed past the door to his apartment with a purpose in mind. She needed to do this. Needed to sit the both of them down, take control of the situation herself because she wasn’t going to be able to rest if she didn’t.

Kylo’s eyes were bleary as he rubbed them and struggled to focus on her, taking the seat offered to him by Rey at his own table. She needed to come to terms with this herself, needed to get a hold on the situation so it would not control her. One more night spent without any sleep, without having a handle on it--without any autonomy over her life, was one night too many. He stared at her when she stood in front of him, her heart pounding loud as the First Order’s drumset in her chest.

“Rey--.”

“No,” she cut him off. “Let me.” She took a slow, deep breath, before beginning. “I fix things with my hands, Kylo. I’m an engineer, a mechanic. I need to feel out the situation, understand it with my fingertips, find those weak spots and patch them back up. I fix things. I’m not a thinker like Ben, or a doer like you. I’m just Rey, and the only way I can fix . . . this whatever between us, fix what _you_ did is to get a handle on it.” Her mouth was dry and she tried to wet her lips to fix it. “So. I’m going to take control, because you never let that choice be mine, and I’m not going to let that stand.” She’d mapped as much of this out in her mind as she could, and stepped closer. To where he sat, taking his chin in her hand. There was no mistaking him now, no going back. “So, we’re going to do this one more time, if you’re okay with that.”

Somehow, it’d never crossed her mind that he might not, not up until that moment at least. He nodded vigorously, though, his dark eyes wide but hopeful. His lips parted but she quieted him with a finger to his lips.

“Don’t spoil this, don’t bring up your brother, don’t make comparisons--just don't be an ass,” she said, her expression serious despite the grin that spread his mouth. It only deepened the guilt that had swirled at the pit of her stomach when she’d first found out it was Kylo, and not Ben, two nights ago. She pushed aside those feelings. She needed this, needed to reassure herself that whatever had been between them had been little more than a fluke. Now that she knew it was Kylo, now that she was _choosing_ to do this, there wouldn’t be anything else between them after this.

“I can do that,” he promised.

She doubted it. “I reserve the right to stop whenever. Without comment.”

“Of course.” He was looking more and more eager, anticipation brightening his eyes. Rey felt her stomach swoop at the familiar look. Before she could think to second guess herself she replaced the finger on his lips with her own, breathing him in, her eyes fluttering closed. He surged up to meet her, groaning quietly as one of his hands buried itself in her hair. She moaned as his nails dug into her scalp, and the noise brought Kylo to his feet so he had to stoop low to keep kissing her. His enormous hands slid down to cup her ass, squeezing until she moaned again. He hoisted her up and into his arms without so much as a second’s hesitance. How did he do that? She whimpered, and wrapped her legs around his waist, his cock sitting right at the seam of her pants.

“Bed,” she gasped, his mouth breaking away to bite down her neck, over the marks he’d left before. She shuddered, torn between wanting him to stop and never wanting the sensation to end. She resolved her struggles by dragging her nails across his back, feeling his muscles ripple underneath her hands. It wasn’t enough, not when she wanted to see the effects of her handiwork. At the first opportunity, when he’d laid her down on the bed, she yanked the loose sleep shirt up and over his head. It caught on his face when he didn’t want to pull away from biting his way across her clavicle, and she growled when he stared up at her through his lashes in irritation.

“Gotta move faster than that,” she said simply, and ignored what felt like the thrill that raced up her spine when he ripped her pants from her and chucked them to the side, too. The rest of their clothes soon met the same fate, and Kylo was kissing and biting his way up from Rey’s bare hip to her breasts when she stopped him with her fist in his long hair.

“Ben--can’t know.” She didn’t think she’d told him that, had been sure it was a fucking given, but she never knew with him. Her brain railed against the injustice of it, but she would only hurt him if he found out that she’d taken it upon herself to try and fix this problem as she had. This was her problem and she’d be damned if she hurt him in the process if she didn’t have to.

“Sure,” he nodded, lips swollen, and she released his hair. The tip of his cock pressed up against her slit, and she rocked her hips to take the tip of his cock inside her. He’d offered to turn off the lights but she’d decided against it, and by the light of the lamp just beside them she watched as his face contorted with the pleasure and the restraint he employed to keep from thrusting right into her.

That restraint didn’t last long. She leaned up to bite his earlobe, growling: “Don’t fucking hold back now.”

He snarled and filled her with one thrust of his hips. She gasped, her back practically breaking with how hard she arched. His arms bracketed on either side of her, and she watched his biceps shift with the effort of keeping himself up above her, the tattoos that covered his skin rippling as he did. She leaned over and bit his arm, having wanted to do that for _so_ long if she was honest with herself. He hissed and used one of his hands to tug her legs up and around his waist. It pulled them closer, and she keened as she stared up at him, watched his face darken as he picked up the pace.

“That’s it, _fuck Kylo_ ,” she groaned, tilting her hips upwards to ensure that he hit that perfect spot inside her. Not that he was having much trouble. At the sound of his name he practically purred with pleasure, his eyes holding hers.

“Say it again,” he gasped, lips falling open as he stared at her. Before she could think he’d sat up and pulled her up with him so that they were face to face and gravity had her sitting _right_ where she wanted to be on his lap. His name came out a low keen from her traitorous lips, her body tightening around his. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders, and she swore she was going to draw blood with how hard she’d dug her nails into his back. He wasn’t complaining, and it was all she could do to hold on as he bodily lifted her up and down off his cock, the drag of their skin against one another nearly too much. She wanted to close her eyes, give herself up to it, and pretend that it was Ben who could make her feel so damn perfect, but no. That would defeat the damn purpose.

Then again she’d set out to prove to herself that what had happened before, the weird fucking spark between them, had been nothing more than a fluke, and this wasn’t exactly confirming her original thoughts.

Fuck.

“Rey, oh shit you feel so good,” Kylo groaned, his voice rough against her ear. “Wanna fuckin’ make you come so hard you see the stars. You’re so damn tight and perfect, babe.”

Goosebumps rose up on her skin and she whimpered. His fingers dug into her skin and his pace quickened, hips thrusting up to meet hers. The sound of skin hitting skin mingled with their heavy panting and the quick grunts and whimpers that passed between them. Rey wasn’t going to last long, not like this, and torn between wanting to make it last longer and wanting it to be done, she put her hands on his chest and pushed him onto his back. His legs straightened, body shifting so that she could free her legs from beneath him, before she took her time riding him. His gaze turned reverent, hooded eyes fixed on hers as she gyrated her body, abs burning from the movement as she tightened further around him.

“Shit,” he gasped, and his hands moved to cup her breasts, tugging on her nipples and making her squeal. “You’re so good, Rey. So damn good. Say my name.”

She did, and the given how he moaned and bucked up against her she might as well have given him the secrets to the universe. She ran a hand through her hair, pulling it away from where it’d stuck to her face, before leaning forward with a hand on his chest. Both of them were built so nicely, but while her boyfriend was more of a runner, Kylo had opted for muscle, bulking up so that when he’d play with the band he could go whip off his shirt and make the co-eds that supported them scream.

The thought flashed through her hot as an iron, and she dug her nails into his pecs, gritting her teeth as she rode him harder. It was stealing the air from her lungs, making her flush and her head spin, but she was so close, so fucking close--.

“Come all over me babe. Come all over my cock, c’mon Rey. Wanna feel you gush around me.”

That was it. She screamed, her head tipped back, and clenched around him. He wasn’t far behind, and she pitched a low whine when she felt him filling her up. It shouldn’t have felt so good, shouldn’t have set her shivering with delight, but to feel his come leaking out from around his cock, dribbling between them, it was sinfully good. decadent, even. Perfect.

When Kylo pulled her off of him and laid her down, moving between her legs to lap at the come that’d spilled there, she knew she was in trouble.

 

\--

 

“What’d you do to Rey?”

Phasma’s question took Kylo by surprise, and he blamed the shocked look he sent her way on the time. They’d only just finished an emergency band rehearsal, Hux beginning to freak out about the upcoming gig, and it was nearly three in the morning when he finally announced himself happy. It didn’t help that he’d all but sang himself hoarse, and Kylo’s fingers were beginning to ache from how hard he’d been pressing against the strings of his guitar, his fingertips still warm from where they’d grasped Rey’s hips not six hours ago. She might’ve said that their little affair, or whatever, was a one-time thing, but she sure as hell wasn’t acting like it. He’d practically fucked her into the wall before he’d gotten the distress call from Hux. He’d left her there, at his apartment, and was looking forward to surprising her with a wake up once he got there. _If_ he got there. Phasma’s expression was fixed to kill.

“What’re you talking about?” he asked, striving for nonchalance.

“Don’t bullshit me. She hasn’t talked shit about you in the past week. That’s unheard of when, before this, every other word was ‘that fucking shitbag, Kylo.’ So, what happened? Did you tell her that Ben was gonna be home late?”

He nodded. “Yeah. I did.”

Phasma’s eyes narrowed. “Did you do it nicely? You know it’s been a huge strain on her. I swear to god, Kylo, if you offended her--.”

He gritted his teeth. That . . . wasn’t exactly what he’d call it. “If I’d pissed her off you think she’d keep from talking smack about me? No, I was nice about it. Cordial. I can’t help it if I’m finally beginning to rub off on her.” In more ways that one.

That made his band mate snort, her bright eyes disbelieving as she stared at him. “If anything, she’s probably just dealing with you because you look like her boyfriend. So long as you keep your mouth shut she can just pretend it’s Ben--.”

He sank his fist into the wall just beside them. Phasma went silent and Kylo snarled as he pulled his fist back out, knuckles bruised and bloody. He couldn’t meet her eyes, couldn’t look when he was so fucking sure that if he did, she’d be able to read him like a damn book. The last thing he needed was a lecture but _shit_ , did she have to be so damn good at reading people? It was uncanny. His hand twinged with pain, but he could hardly focus on that, staring at the damage he’d created with a sense of dread. He might’ve kept his face turned from hers, but that act had been more than enough to give Phasma something to work off of.

As though spurred on by his train of thought the woman stepped closer, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Kylo,” she started quietly. “What’d you do?”

He shrugged her hand off and scowled. “Nothing. I’ll see you later, Phas. I’m tired.”

 

Her words followed him the whole drive back, so that by the time he’d stepped into his apartment and shut the door behind him he was already, single-mindedly, making his way to his room. He didn’t bother with the light, the streetlights outside illuminating Rey’s sleeping figure. She hadn’t bothered with clothes, and for that he was grateful. Unceremoniously, he rolled her over onto her back and pressed his face between her legs, licking at her still wet cunt. She whined, eyes snapping open with surprise.

“Kylo--what--?” she moaned, her mouth open. His name ignited something within him, something deep and jealous, dark and dangerous, that came out the more time he spent around her. She’d said _his_ name, watched as _he_ lapped at her clit with his tongue and fucked her with two fingers, moaned to feel _him_ making her feel so good. Not Ben, not his fucking perfect twin brother, _him_. Kylo Ren Solo, human fuck up, degenerate extraordinaire, was not good at many things, but god dammit he wasn’t about to let the spirit of his brother linger in the spaces between them to make him feel inept in the bedroom.

He made her come once on his tongue before he slid up along her body and pressed his cock into her sopping wet cunt, sliding home with a simple forward thrust of his hips. He tugged her legs up and over his shoulders so that every thrust of his hips brought the head of his cock right up against her cervix, dipping his hips to dig down deep and hit her g-spot along the way. She came again in a matter of minutes once he pressed a finger to her clit, screaming his name as she did.

  
They didn’t fall back asleep for another couple hours, Kylo bound and determined to exhaust himself and hear his name on her lips as often as he could so there could be no doubt of just who it was she chose to fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, disclaimer: I AM SO FUCKING NERVOUS ABOUT THIS UPDATE I AM SORRY.  
> I would love to hear your feedback and your thoughts; I've absolutely adored reading all the comments and everything that has come from the last update, but this one? This one scares me. I can't tell if I handled it well, if the justification comes off understandably. I mean there'll be more explained LATER but like for now?  
> I'm just gonna crawl in my corner and I hope to god ya'll don't hate me for this. Thank you for sticking with me and reading <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. Did I take long enough between updates, or what? Sorry about the wait, but thank you guys so much for reading! Hope the update makes up for the lack of . . . anything in regards to this fic. Thanks again! You guys are all amazing <3

She’d barely just walked into Kylo’s apartment, the door having been unlocked, than he had her up and against the wall with his lips to hers, shoulders hunched as he bent down to kiss her hard on the lips. She groaned, her bag falling from her hand as she slid her tongue into his mouth and wrapped her arms around his neck. Her feet were aching, her shoulders were sore from a long day of working on cars, but it all melted away as Kylo hoisted her up and into his arms so she could lock her legs around his waist. He’d not even bothered wearing any pants, cock already straining against the fabric of his boxers. He’d clearly been so sure that she’d answer his damn request to come and see him after work, and it made her stomach twist to think that she was getting predictable. 

All such worries disappeared when he pulled her into the bedroom with him. “Got something I want to show you,” he groaned when they had to pull away for air, and she was saved asking just  _ what  _ it was by catching sight of the enormous mirror he’d moved opposite his bed. She felt herself growing wet, looking from him to the mirror, then back. He was grinning stupidly. 

“Want you to watch yourself as I make you come,” he growled in her ear, nipping at the soft skin just beneath it, one of the many sweet spots he’d discovered. She tried not to think about how Ben had gone about, taking his time learning her body when they’d first been intimate, how sweet he’d been--and instead turned to kiss Kylo. It usually worked to shut off the voices inside her head, and this time was, thankfully, no exception. He moved them to the edge of the bed, pulling her pants off before sliding his hand beneath the fabric of her panties. Her knees weakened, and she sat herself down atop his lap, legs spread wide past his own to give him ample room to press two fingers inside of her. By now he’d learned how to angle them just how she liked, and was working on pumping his hand hard and fast within her, sucking bruises to her throat. She couldn’t take her eyes off of the reflection, though. A flush had crossed her cheeks and her throat, but her eyes shifted downwards to fix on where Kylo’s fingers were disappearing into her cunt, where his thumb was rubbing at her clit. The tattoos that covered his arms rippled with the movement, and her mouth went dry as he added a third finger inside of her, stretching her far out and angling his fingertips for her gspot. Her hips were jerking forward of their own accord, Rey not able to  _ think  _ coherently enough to make them do it, or make them stop. Fuck! It was too much, too much--. She could feel his cock pressing hard against her backside, and, managing to use his legs underneath hers as leverage, lifted herself to slide the tip of his dick up against where Kylo’s hand was fingerfucking her. 

“You want my cock instead?” he murmured against her ear, breath hot against her skin. She watched in the mirror as her flush deepened, but she nodded. 

“What’re you supposed to say?” 

She growled, and started to slide down against his cock anyway. No, she wasn’t going to ask for it, she was going to fucking  _ take it _ if he was gonna be a dick about the whole thing. It was a bit of a stretch with his fingers and cock inside her, but she keened and arched her back, forcing her eyes to stay open to stare at the image before her. His gaze was fixed intently on her, his eyes dark. In the reflection his features were as striking as ever but nothing so stunning as the pure  _ hunger  _ in his eyes. It was that look that spurred her on to take him to the hilt, letting gravity slide her down until her ass was flush against his groin, and every time she rocked back onto his cock he groaned and shook. The pressure was immense, but she wouldn’t trade it for anything. When he added his thumb to the mix, rubbing her clit in a quick, circular motion, she was a fucking goner. Rey pressed the palms of her hands to his knees to give herself the perfect angle, and balancing on her tip toes managed to fuck herself back onto his cock and hand, managing to time it so that his thumb stroked her clit on every other thrust. 

“That’s it Rey, oh fuck.” Kylo sounded utterly wrecked, and sure enough when she opened her eyes to look at him she didn’t think she’d ever seen him so blissed out. It was a damn treat to watch his muscles work, the dark ink moving with every flex of his arms and chest. His mouth hung open and his eyes were glazed over to say the least, but he couldn’t turn away from the picture in front of him. It made Rey grin, and she reached a hand up to play with her left breast. 

“That all you got, Kylo?” she asked, voice broken and lips dry as she struggled to speak. “I think I’m giving a little more than you are. You gonna leave a woman wanting mo-ore--oh fuck.” 

The fingers that’d been within her left, wrapping around her hips instead to physically  _ lift  _ her off his cock, before slamming her back down onto him. The air left her lungs in a soft “ _ oh _ ” as her head tilted back and her hands grew weak. He moved her as easily as if she were a fucking rag doll, some sort of fuck toy for him to use when he wanted, and  _ fuck  _ if that didn’t turn her on all the more. It shouldn’t have, she should’ve hated feeling out of control, but her body sang with the loss of control. All she could do was take, and be given what pleasure he had to offer her, and dammit all she couldn’t get enough. She didn’t even need him touching her clit, she came on his dick moments later. Her heels pulled up towards her ass, her body going rigid, but Kylo fucked her throughout the whole thing. She could feel the heat of his stare on her even if she didn’t have her eyes open to watch them, unable to focus on anything but the push and pull of pleasure as it worked through her body. 

She didn’t expect him to be far behind her, and so squealed when he picked her up and threw her down on the bed behind them, turning to position them how he wanted. She was facing the mirror once more, her ass up in the air as he slid his cock back inside of her with a low, throaty growl that she couldn’t help but echo. She bit the bed covers just in front of her to keep herself from screaming as he picked up the pace once again. The thumb that’d traced her clit so vigorously before pressed up against her asshole, sliding in with perhaps more ease than she’d expected so that he could hook the digit within her and cement her to the spot. As if she’d go anywhere. 

“This enough for you, Rey?” he growled, using his free hand to grip her hair and pull her back onto him. Every thrust shoved her closer to orgasm, one that threatened to eviscerate her vocal chords, so that all she could was hum and nod. That wasn’t enough for him, however. The hand in her hair tightened. “I asked you a question: is. This. Enough?” He bared his teeth as he spoke, and she grinned.

“No,” she only just managed to groan out. “Not even close. You call yourself the fucking best--.” 

She actually screamed with his next thrust. He’d angled his hips so that the tip of his cock rammed against her g-spot, rather than massaged it gently, and as ever the pain and pleasure, the sensation of having too much, filled her brain. 

This time, when she came, he was right behind her, shouting as his hips pressed flush against her ass and he emptied himself into her. She shivered, spent, and collapsed as soon as his grip on her lessened. Boneless, she looked back at him as best she could and found him grinning down at her, before dipping between her legs to lap at the come dripping from her cunt. 

She keened and buried her face in the pillow. Death by sex had never before seemed like such a reality.  

 

“You’re still planning on coming to the show at the Finalizer, right? Even though Ben won’t be able to?” Rey looked over at where Kylo was laying beside her in bed. Was that worry in his voice? Concern? She wasn’t so sure she wanted to examine it. They had a reasonably comfortable relationship sort of thing between them at the moment, and emotions would only make things, well, weird. Granted he’d always been oddly interested in getting her to as many of his shows as possible, but now that they were sleeping together . . . well, she’d expected him to get it out of his system. That he hadn’t made her a little worried. Hell, he was looking at her as though he hung every damn hope on her and she wasn’t comfortable with that. “Yeah, I told Phas I would be there. That’s okay, right?” His expression of interested melted into bemusement. “Nah. I totally just asked to fuck with you.” 

She rolled her eyes and smacked him on the back of the head as she stood up and pulled on her shirt. It barely hung past the curve of her ass, and she felt his eyes as she stepped away and towards the kitchen for a glass of water. She’d hardly made it a couple paces when she heard her phone go off, the ringtone making her steps falter. Ben was calling, and she lunged backwards for her phone. Kylo’s eyes were narrowed as she swiped across to accept the phone call. He knew exactly who it was who’d have made her jump like that. 

“Hey babe,” Rey said, not meeting Kylo’s eyes once more as she quickly padded away. The last thing she wanted for him to hear, somehow, was his brother’s breathing on the other side of the phone. “It’s gotta be like, what, early hours of the morning where you are? What’re you doing up?” Her stomach twisted. Shit. He didn’t know something, did he? He couldn’t have told that where she was, no one even knew about her and Kylo, and  _ he  _ wouldn’t have told seeing as it would’ve incriminated the both of them. 

“Yeah, it’s . . . early. I think.” He sounded exhausted, completely drained, and her chest compressed. “I just missed the sound of your voice is all. Couldn’t sleep, really. You’re not at work, right?” 

“Nah, got off a couple hours ago. Just settling in for some dinner,” she said, feeling sweat bead on her forehead as she moved to grab that water, needing it even more now to wet her parched tongue. “What’s wrong? Wanna talk about it?” 

He let out a low sigh on the other end and she could practically envision him shaking his head. He’d be reclining in bed, she was betting, and she smiled to think of how cute he got when he hit that particular wall of exhaustion. He grew loopy and had this slow, wide smile that had won her over completely after the first time they’d stayed up Facetiming. She could feel herself grinning even as she imagined it, and it made her spirits lower even further. She was such a piece of shit. 

“Business is just taking so long. I feel like I’ve lived on this damn continent for years and it’s been a lifetime since I saw you last. I--I really miss you, Rey. I’m sorry. I can’t imagine what you’re going through over there.” 

She about jumped out of her skin as arms wrapped around her. With Ben’s voice in her ear it was easy to imagine the strong arms were his, that the breath on her neck was her boyfriend leaning down to kiss her, that the fingers toying with her still wet slit belonged to Ben. She shoved Kylo away with a glower that made him stop right where he stood, still bare naked, as Ben kept talking. “I just really thought this deal was going to be quicker than it is, and I never meant to stay away for so long, I really didn’t. Mom’s talking about just finishing it up herself since I’ve been so, well, listless. Which doesn’t help me feel any better, because you know she shouldn’t have to do it all herself? I want her to feel comfortable with being able to retire.” 

“Mhm,” Rey hummed quietly as Kylo’s gaze hardened and he stepped closer. She shoved him back with one hand against his chest, baring her teeth in irritation before softening her expression to respond. “I’m sure she understands. I mean, she and Han always do best when they’ve been away for awhile, so I wouldn’t be amazed if she empathizes with you entirely.” 

“That’s what she said.” 

Kylo advanced on Rey once again, and this time she grabbed the water she’d managed to pour and splashed it in his face. There. That ought to cool him down. She pressed her hand over the microphone as he spluttered in irritation, but Ben didn’t miss it. 

“Are you with my brother?” he asked, sounding surprised. Pleased, almost. She didn’t want to look into that too much, oh no. 

“I was hanging with Phas and he came over, yeah. She just stepped on his foot, he’s being an asshole.” She stepped as quickly and quietly towards the bedroom as she could, pulling on her pants without bothering with her panties, and zipping it up with a flick of her wrist. Fuck this, she was going home if he was going to be such a damn creep. He caught her just as she was making her way to the door, and though he opened his mouth she grabbed her keys and slipped out the door before he could so much as mouth anything at her. 

“I’m sorry. I was hoping you two would kind of, I dunno. Come together in my absence. He doesn’t really do well with abandonment either, and he looks at me leaving like that.” 

Rey missed the last stair on the way down and her phone flew out of her hand as she hit the floor. Knees stinging, ears ringing, she swore loudly and took two seconds to collect herself. She could hear Ben speaking loudly through her speaker, his worry evident even with the distance, and she crawled towards her neglected phone. 

“Sorry,” she gasped, blinking back the tears that’d slid into the corners of her eyes. “Tripped.” 

“You okay?” he asked, no longer sounding tired, his attention wholly on her. Concern dripped from every syllable and really, she wished it didn’t. It didn’t help the guilt that ate at the pit of her stomach. 

“Just a skinned knee. I’ll ice it once I’m home. Didn’t mean to freak you out.” 

“That’s okay,” he promised. They didn’t stay on the phone much longer after that, and really Rey was grateful. She didn’t think she could take much more, between the pain her chest and the way that her conscious screamed at how much of a  _ whore _ she was. He promised to take her out for a romantic weekend as soon as he had his feet back and they were home, but she wasn’t so sure that she could take it. She felt terrible enough as it was over the phone, how was she going to face him knowing that she’d let his brother fuck her just about every other day after work? How could she let him touch her when she was so filthy and defiled? He deserved so much more. 

If she was a decent human being she’d be honest with him, accept it when he broke up with her, and resign herself to a life of loneliness. It was no less than what she deserved for her actions and  _ fuck  _ the tears were real as they dripped down her face. She had to pull off a couple minutes from her apartment when they became too thick to see through. 

 

\--

 

“Kylo get your head out of your ass, we’re on in ten.” 

Hux’s words only just cut through the haze of Kylo’s thoughts, his mind heavy with the impending gig. Heavy bass already pounded through the thick walls of the room they’d been given to get ready in, and he’d been so focused on the constant beat that he’d hardly so much as moved once he’d finished drinking. It kept him from thinking about the ache and discontent that washed through him every time he thought about facing the crowd just past the doors, the ones who’d shown up expecting to be entertained by the best acts that Snoke could find. The more he focused on that, and specifically on who would be missing, the less he wanted to go out at all. Meeting with Snoke hadn’t gone well at all when they’d gotten there, Hux having taken over talking once it was made plain that Kylo wasn’t his usual self, and really how was Kylo to expect that this performance would be any better? Snoke had taken a chance on them and Kylo was about a hundred and ten percent certain that they’d let him down. 

Well,  _ he _ ’ _ d  _ let Snoke down. Hux and Phas were at the top of their game. They had to be when there was so much riding on this one show. After all, no one got paid for a shit show. 

‘Stop thinking like that, dipshit.’ Kylo shook his head, chewing on the inside of his cheek and staring longingly at the half empty Jack he’d forgotten from the bar. He couldn’t be too fucked up for this show. Sure, alcohol helped, but he’d already hit his quota for how much he could have before he was useless. He’d be flirting with serious trouble if he drank as much as he wanted. 

It was a mark of how much he cared about this gig, really, that he didn’t just say fuck it and do it anyway. 

Phasma looked over, her expression concerned. “Dude, don’t psyche yourself out. It’s just another gig.” 

Yeah, easy for her to say when hardly anything phased her. Kylo? Was remarkably phased. It wasn’t bad enough that Rey had entirely cut him off after Ben’s call, but he’d been counting on at least one familiar face outside the usual sea of roadies and sycophantic fucks that came looking for free booze and easy sex. Any other time it wouldn’t have bothered him but . . . . He’d tried throwing himself into the music to keep from focusing on her rejection, the calls that were sent straight to voicemail, the texts and emails that went unanswered no matter how many he’d thrown at her, but the silence had only made him angrier. It didn’t take a genius or telepath to know that Phas and Hux were just wondering when the explosion would happen, and they were only hoping it wouldn’t be tonight. 

“First Order?” a voice piped from the door, a woman’s head with short, shocking blue hair stepping in. “Five minute call. If you’d follow me?”

Kylo’s hand slipped on the neck of his guitar and the instrument nearly crashed to the ground if he hadn’t caught it back in his palm. God, he was a fucking wreck. Phasma’s gaze leveled on him once more but she stayed silent this time. He knew he liked her for a reason. Hux, however, had seem to throw tact out the window. 

“You know, if you needed a calm down blow job you might’ve said something before now,” he hissed as they followed Phas out, stopping just behind the curtain. “Sara’s in the crowd. Hell, I’d have given one if it would’ve helped but it’s too damn late now.” 

Wasn’t that the damn story of his life? “Shut up, Hux,” he growled, shaking him off. 

“Hey.” Hux grabbed hold of the front of Kylo’s shirt, yanking him closer. Phas didn’t bother looking back at them, knowing all too well what was coming. Sure enough, Hux’s lips pressed hard to Kylo’s, and for a moment Kylo allowed himself to get wrapped up in the sensation. He could pretend that the slight figure in his arms had long, brown hair and didn’t taste like cigarettes if he focused hard enough. Hux’s moan when Kylo bit his bottom lip broke the spell, and he pulled away. 

“Thanks for the quickie,” Kylo said, hiding the tremor in his voice as best he could and hoping it would simply pass off as lust if Hux managed to pick it up. “But let’s not keep Phasma waiting.” 

Hux snickered, wiping his lips with the back of his hand. “I’m pretty sure she could carry the whole show herself and be completely fine with it. Hell, they might even like it better.” 

There was truth to that, Kylo had to admit, and true to form Phas was already entertaining the crowd with a variety of quick snippets of other basslines, wrapping up “Living on a Prayer” as Hux and Kylo finally made their appearance. There were shouts, screams from a couple familiar, ear piercing voices that he couldn’t help but recognize, and Kylo forced himself to smile as he slung his guitar over his shoulder and plugged into his amp. Hux took center stage, his attitude turning gracious and arrogant all at once. All part of the act, though he came by the arrogance naturally. The mass of bodies grew closer to the stage as Hux thanked them for coming, introducing each in turn for those who didn’t know, and exchanging a quick back and forth with Phasma. Kylo might’ve jumped in had it been a regular sort of night, but he was too busy scanning the crowd to pay much attention. Sure enough, Snoke was seated at the very back table though it was arguably the best shot in the house. He had a glass in his hand, and his eyes were dark and unreadable as he stared, fixedly, at the trio in front of him. 

Kylo had to look away before long, finding it only made his stomach all the more anxious the longer he stared, and instead scanned the crowds in front of him. Sure enough, Sara was standing near the very center of the crowd, her top hardly covering her breasts it was so low cut and stretched tight. In front of her--. 

In front of her stood Rey, her bright eyes fixed pointedly on him as Phas nudged Kylo’s shoulder to bring him back to the present. He felt his jaw click shut. 

“Feast of Stars,” she hissed, already strumming her bass. Kylo joined in hardly a second later, feeling his shoulders lighten. Thank God. 

 

She’d found him first, after the show, after Snoke had come with his check and his invitation to play  _ again  _ and anytime they’d like at the Finalizer, after they’d been approached by a man who sought to actually market them around the country and get them touring, and she was still the highlight of his evening. Say nothing about the way her lips had felt when he’d pressed his mouth to hers, out and away from all others, how she’d accepted the kiss as soon as they were secluded back in the bathroom that attached onto the First Order’s dressing room. He hiked her up and onto the sink, pushing back her skirt to find she hadn’t worn panties. She’d planned this, and given how wet she was he had to assume that watching him play had turned her on. She’d come, prepared to fuck him, and had enjoyed watching him perform. His mind spun with the knowledge, repeating it over and over as he hardened and fussed with freeing his cock from the confines of his pants. Her fingers took over, not trembling as badly as his own, and with her hand on his dick she guided him into her. 

He wished he could’ve lasted longer, but with her own fingers playing with her clit, and her cunt a heaven he thought he’d been locked out from forever, it didn’t take him long to find his climax. His head was still spinning from the success of the show, his eyes still burned from the glare of the lights, but when she tightened around him, wrapping her legs around his hips to accept him deeper inside, nothing else mattered. She came just as soon as he did, though she pressed her moan to the crook of his shoulder so it wouldn’t echo as his did. Smart move. 

He was grinning like a moron when she pulled away, and the elation that bubbled through him was short lived when he caught sight of her expression. Hardened determination carved out her features, and she pulled herself up and off of him to stand straight, smoothing out her skirt. 

“That’s the last time you’ll ever fuck me,” she said, and gone was the moaning, whimpering Rey he’d hoped to have gotten back. “It’s never happening again. I’m done with you, Kylo.” 

With his spend still dripping down her legs, she walked out, and just like that the floor dropped from beneath his feet as if gravity decided to take a day off. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a headcanon of mine, I have no idea why, that F.O. would sound like Panic! At the Disco's "Emperor's New Clothes," that their music would be in that similar vein. It might be because I listened to that whole album on repeat while I worked on this chapter, the show part especially, or just because I love them with all my heart, but either way. . . that's my headcanon. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, again!


	8. Chapter 8

If not for Ben calling her every other evening, Rey thought she might as well just throw her damn phone out the window. Kylo wouldn’t leave her alone. She deleted every message without bothering to read it, ignored every voicemail he left and let them fall to the wayside as well, and still the bastard didn’t get it. She’d even had to start ignoring Phasma’s exts because she  couldn’t always be certain when it would be her, or Kylo on her phone. Hell, he’d tried using Hux’s phone to call her, and had received a text shortly after she’d ignored it explaining who it was and demanding to know why the First Order’s guitarist was so damn determined to talk to her. She didn’t answer, blocking the number instead. Hux didn’t need to talk to her. 

She threw herself into work like never before, grateful that business was beginning to pick up. Even when she wasn’t busy fixing a customer’s car, she found something to do around the shop, whether it was getting on her hands and knees and scrubbing the hell out of the rec room, or making calls to enquire about parts, which normally her assistant would do but in light of the shit that was going on in her brain? She needed to be kept busy. Besides, Poe had promised her that if she’d ever wanted to, she was welcome to fix up her car however it was she wanted, using what materials she could buy at cost, and with their discount, to mess and update her own vehicle. It as a blessing on the afternoons that they didn’t have much and aside from kicking herself for not thinking of it before it allowed her a great chance to clear her mind and focus on the oil and grime that now coated her hands. 

Her mind kept flicking back to Ben. He had to be on his way soon, didn’t he? He’d sounded just as upset about him having to stay abroad as she was, but now it was with a tinge of fear that she awaited his return. She couldn’t lie to him. He’d been nothing but forthcoming in their relationship this whole while, perfectly patient as they maneuvered their relationship. Sure, he’d had some discrepancies at first and now hadn’t she proved them right? He’d cited their age difference as being key, that he was too old for her when the reality was, she came to realize, she was too young. Too impulsive. 

He’d tried to get out of it and dammit she should’ve let him when he had the chance. She was going to ruin his life with what she’d done. Tears stung the corners of her eyes, and she couldn’t blink them out from where she was beneath the car so opted instead to roll out and sit up. They spilled down her face before she could stop them, and hastened to wipe them away despite the shop being entirely empty. She’d lost him, if not yet then soon. He was going to wish he’d never come back from abroad. 

She felt the presence of another body before she heard the footsteps that warned they were approaching. She froze and looked up, coming face to face with a smiling Kylo. He’d forgotten to shave that morning, dark five-o’clock shadow crossing his chin and jaw, but it was the look he was giving her that made her jump to her feet in anger. 

“You’ve got some fucking nerve,” she snarled, and the elated look that had once been on his lips faded as swiftly as though she’d slapped it from his face. She shoved her hands out and pushed him back, snarling. “You’re a fucking asshole, you know that? How hard is it to get that through your head?” 

“Rey--.” 

She shoved him again, blinking back furious tears. “Kylo I told you last time was the last time, don’t you fucking come back here with your tail between your legs looking for shit like that anymore! Least of all from me!” 

His face warped at the name, brow furrowing and eyes searching hers. Her heart hammered in her chest as the faintest trickle of an idea came to her, and she reached out to yank his arm sleeves upwards--. Blank, tattoo-less skin stared back up at her, and her stomach dropped. Oh no. Oh no, no no no nononono--. She was going to be sick.

“Last time was the last what, Rey?” Ben asked quietly as she looked back up at him. “Last time was the last time for you and Kylo . . . doing what?” 

 

\--

 

Kylo didn’t even bother looking at the name of the caller as he answered the call, eagerly answer: “Rey? That you?”

“No, Kylo. It’s Ben. We need to talk. Now.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short chapter, but I couldn't think of how to better elongate it. Any more and it would slow down the pacing of the story, I feel, which I've already done quite a bit of because . . . well, I like writing smut.   
> Thank you so much for all your amazing feedback and for reading! <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm a bit at a loss for where I'm going with Your Gravity, so have an update on Twins Fic! Hope you enjoy, and thanks for reading! <3 <3

Ben was frighteningly calm as Rey paced back and forth, explaining her side of the story through shuddering breaths, hardly daring to look his way as he sat at their dinner table and listened. She’d excused herself from work for the rest of the day, and no sooner had they met back at what had once been home and he’d asked that she explain just what it was that she had told Kylo would never happen again. The words had stuck in her throat, even as she clawed to get them out, forcing herself to spit the truth onto the floor between them and wait for him to tell her to leave, to scream at her that she was a whore, trash, and that she needed to move out. 

Worse was the silence. Worse was the way his face remained impassive, the way that his arms stayed folded across his chest, how the bags under his eyes and the exhaustion in his frame was prevented from taking over because he had to deal with her shit. She was terrible. The worst. But she would tell him the truth, all of it, and accept whatever it was that he had to give her. It was the least she could do. 

He didn’t say a whole lot when she finally stopped talking, just pulled his phone out and got to his feet. She watched him walk away and swallowed thickly as she pressed her fist into her mouth. With his back to her, and hers to him, he couldn’t see the way she bit down to keep herself from screaming, tears gushing past her closed lids. What was more, she didn’t have to see how he sagged with the weight of her fuck up. 

“No, Kylo. It’s Ben. We need to talk. Now.” 

There was silence on the other line and she shuddered. Her eyes darted to her keys, wondering if it wouldn’t be more worthwhile to just make a run for it--. No.  _ No _ . She’d known what she was getting in to when she’d decided to go back to Kylo’s even after the first time, she’d known it wouldn’t end well. This was part of growing up, wasn’t it? Sure, she could do whatever it was she wanted, so long as she was comfortable with living with the consequences. 

Okay, maybe comfortable wasn’t the right word for it. 

“You need to come over to my place.” A pause, then a growl from her boyfriend. “I don’t give a shit what you’re doing. I just got off the plane an hour ago, you’re going to come here. Non negotiable.” 

He tossed his phone down to the side and Rey heard it hit the fabric of their well worn couch. She removed her fist from her mouth and turned around to look at him, watching as he ran a hand through his already thoroughly mussed up hair. He hardly looked at her as he turned away, his eyes a million miles away as he moved towards the refrigerator. She heard the door opening, closing, then the popping of a bottle being opened. Beer, she was guessing. He had a thing against drinking on a weeknight, let alone this early in the day, but frankly she didn’t blame him one bit. 

“Was it not enough?” his voice came from behind the wall just to her left. “What we were? I just--.” 

“No! Ben, God.” She hurried to step towards him, not daring to touch him but wanting to see him, wanting him to see her and how sincerely she meant it. Her heart may have jumped into her throat, but her words at least were clear enough. “You’re more than enough for me. I’m just--I’m a mess, Ben. I thought I was stronger than I am. But I’m not.” She blinked quickly, determined to keep herself from crying. “You’ve always been more than enough for me. I love you, that didn’t change, and that’s . . . what makes my actions even worse. I know that.” 

He ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head. “Stop.” 

“Ben--.” 

“Rey.” He looked her dead in the eye, now, and she trembled on the spot with the intensity of his stare. “I want to be mad. I want to be furious, and wreck this apartment, and throw your shit out onto the ground and demand that you leave but--.” He sucked on his bottom lip, cheeks concave as he carefully picked out his next words. Her heart jackhammered in her chest the whole while. He wanted to, yet he hadn’t. Why? It would’ve made sense, he would’ve been more than in the right for it. “I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t hoped that you two would somehow figure your shit out while I was gone. I was . . . banking on it. On you being lonely and going to him for comfort--not this sort, granted,” he gestured. “So I can’t be mad. Not really. I mean, I guess this is what I was hoping for to some extent.” 

He took a swig of his beer, and she knew it was to stop himself from rambling on. He had a terrible habit of it once he was off the clock. It’d been how she’d first heard him say he loved her. Rey hardly dared to breathe, her eyes locked on his, watching as they closed and flitted behind his eyelids. Her mind struggled to make sense of what it was he was saying, and the knot in her stomach seemed to loosen, if only just slightly. 

“So. Wait. You knew I’d--I’d go for him?” 

“I thought that, as much as you two hated one another, without me there you might come together. I told you that. I didn’t mean, or even think, it’d be taken so literally.” The expression on his face was humorless, but she could’ve kissed him right then and there if he’d have allowed it. “That’s not to say I’m not pissed--Fuck all, God knows I am. I just. It’s been difficult with you two constantly picking at each other. Difficult to imagine us having a happy, productive life together if you and my twin can’t get along.” He snorted, shaking his head. “Now, as fate would have it, you two do get along. Real well.” 

“I can go back to hating him if--.” 

“Of course that’s not what I want. I just didn’t expect you two to resort to fucking for you two to even handle being in the same room together.” 

“Trust me. I wouldn’t have thought so either. Ben, I love you.” She stepped forward, her lips already chewed to high hell, but she couldn’t help herself from gnawing on the bottom one. “With everything I am. I’ve stopped everything with Kylo, it wasn’t supposed to be more than a one time thing.” 

“But he won’t let it rest at that. I know my brother.” His head perked up as he heard heavy footfalls on the other side of the door, and before even waiting for the knock he stepped towards the door and flung it open. Kylo stood in the frame, his expression confused as he looked from Rey to his brother, then back to Rey. Ben took advantage of his distracted attention to lay his fist into the side of Kylo’s face, snarling as the skin of his knuckles broke with the force. Kylo shouted in pained surprise, and Rey took a quick step forward (to do what? She had no idea), but Ben hauled Kylo inside by the shoulders and slammed the door shut. 

“You’ve got a fuck ton of explaining to do.” 

 

\--

 

The pain . . . he wasn’t expecting. The sucker punch to the side of the face was a wake up call, as if seeing the infuriated face of his twin wasn’t a shock enough. Kylo was the volatile one, so it only made sense, he guessed, that Rey had told Ben exactly what had happened. What he’d done. That’d get him pissed off enough to lash out like this. Kylo rubbed his jaw, his gaze moving from one of them to the other, and he smirked. 

“So. She tell you my dick’s bigger, or what?” 

Ben started forward, fist cocked back, but Rey got to Kylo first. She kicked him hard in the back of the knee, and he went down like a sack of flour with a shout of surprise. Damn, they just kept managing to get the jump on him. He looked back at her and threw her a tight smile. 

“Only joking. Unless it’s true.” 

“You’re sad,” she  growled. “No, I told him the truth, which is something I think you owe both of us. 

Kylo pulled a face, looking from Ben’s cool indifference to Rey’s infuriated glower. Ugh. Fine. They just had to twist his arm, didn’t they? He stood, his knee aching and screaming at him to stay on the ground, but fat chance of him allowing them to have the upper hand. He wouldn’t have been amazed if they could hear the sound of his brain working, of him trying to come up with a clever way of explaining this. 

Really, he had nothing, and given Rey’s triumphant look she knew it. His shoulders went limp. “Look. Rey. I haven’t exactly been subtle about how I’ve felt about you. Ben, I know you could tell. I know it’s fucked. I’m fucked. But I saw an opportunity, and Rey you were so  _ lonely _ , so I took the chance.” His eyes held hers, watched as she started to shiver. He couldn’t tell whether it was out of anger, disbelief at the truth, or some strange combination. “I don’t regret it. Best choice of my life. Sorry, bro.” He looked back at Ben, his gaze hardening. “But someone had to take care of your girl’s needs.” 

“You fucking--.” 

“You’re right.” 

Kylo’s neck ached with the whiplash of turning to look at Ben, ears ringing with the words he wasn’t so sure he’d heard. Wait. What? Rey looked just as shocked if her open mouth was anything to go off of. Kylo looked from her to Ben, sure at any minute they’d announce he was on candid camera or something. 

“I wasn’t here. I haven’t been taking care of everything Rey needs.” Ben’s face was twisted, as though every word was sour on his tongue. “But that’s not your decision to make. It’s Rey’s. And if she chose me, then you need to respect that.” 

“Hey. Don’t both of you start talking about me like I’m not even here,” Rey countered, cutting in between the two of them. Her expression was hard, her brow furrowed as she stared at Ben. “I appreciate it, but please don’t start.”

Ben had the good sense to look cowed, while Kylo couldn’t help but smirk. Really? She wanted to get between them? He stepped closer and reveled in the way her attention focused solely on him, if only for a brief moment. Time to test the boundaries she so clearly wanted to set up. He’d been playing around with the idea since they’d started fucking, sure that aside from her leaving Ben, this would be the only way he’d have her at all. Even if it was only a little, it was better than nothing. “So. What’s your choice then, Rey? Ben, me. Or both?” 

He focused on her reaction, on the way that she sucked in a quick burst of air. As involuntary as the movement might’ve been, was more than enough of a sign for him. Oh.  _ Oh _ . So it was like that, was it? 

“I’m with Ben,” she said stiffly, trying to hold his gaze but failing after a couple seconds. Her cheeks had gone pink, and Kylo took that as a good sign. “If he’ll still have me.” 

Yeah. They’d see about that. Kylo lifted his eyes to meet his twin’s and shrugged. Ben looked less than enthusiastic. “Hey. Sharing is caring. Right, Ben?” 

“You should leave now, before I punch you again.” 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this happened.   
> <3

Rey had planned to take the couch that night. Kylo had left after a little more haranguing from Ben, which’d resulted in a nice fat black eye for Kylo. He’d hardly done more than curse and scramble out of the door, but it only made Rey feel all the worse. Ben wasn’t a violent man and she’d managed to push him closer in that direction. She was a coward for not leaving outright, for not offering him the apartment after she’d so clearly fucked up, but really? She couldn’t leave. Even if he demanded she did, screamed and bellowed and called her names until she broke down, leaving would be giving up. 

She wasn’t about to give up on them. Not without some sort of a fight. She’d fucked up, but she’d do her penance as long as he’d have her. 

Ben stopped her as she made to take a couple of the pillows from the bed, his hand firm around her wrist. “What’re you doing?” 

Her heart dropped. “I was going to sleep on the couch,” she said. She didn’t recognize the meekness in her voice, nor did she like it. She couldn’t meet his eyes, either. “I can leave them--we’ve got throw pillows--.” 

His grip tightened, forcing her to look up. His brown eyes searched hers, his brow furrowing considerably. “No. Don’t sleep on the couch. Please.” 

Rey took a slow, deep breath. This was a joke. Wasn’t it? Somehow, this had to all be a joke that he was playing on her. The sincerity in his eyes didn’t wane, and she swallowed thickly as she released her hold on the pillow. “Yeah, okay,” she said quietly, biting her bottom lip as she looked away from him. How could he even think to sleep in the same bed as her? When she’d fucked up so badly, when she’d  _ fucked  _ his brother in this same bed? 

She heard the small smile in his voice as he said: “Think I’d go crazy if I had to sleep in a bed alone again.” 

Ah, so there it was. She was a warm body, one there until he could find someone far better. She didn’t blame him. Fuck, she could hardly handle herself when she was alone, so why should he make himself suffer when he hadn’t done anything wrong? She chewed on the inside of her cheek and turned away, moving to get her pajamas on in the bathroom, washing off her face and staring at her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were puffy from crying so much. Somehow she had a feeling that it wasn’t going to improve any time soon. She pulled her hair up and into a bun on the top of her head, wanting to get the strands off her neck, reminded too much at how they felt like fingers grasping around her larynx. No way in hell was she going to be able to sleep like that. 

Ben was already laying down under the covers when she rejoined him, propped up on his back, glasses at the end of his nose as he read over something on his phone. The light cast his face into sharp focus and she swallowed thickly to watch his eyes move from side to side while he read. 

Fuck. She wasn’t going to be able to take this for very long. She’d be driven to the couch one way or another if he didn’t just cut her the truth and cut his losses. Slowly, she edged her way into the bed, taking up as  little space as she possibly could without falling off the side. She wrapped the covers around her tightly, wishing she could just drop her head beneath the covers and wake to find out this had all been some shitty dream. 

But doing that hadn’t brought her parents back when she was a child. No way was it going to bring back her previously perfect relationship. 

The bed shifted, and her breath caught in her throat as she felt Ben’s arm circle around her waist. He pulled her off the edge of the bed and she trembled when he pulled her up and against his waist. “Hey,” he breathed quietly in her ear. “Are you going to avoid me now, for the rest of however long this is?” 

However long  _ what  _ was? She felt her throat beginning to close and shook her head. “Not ignoring you. Or avoiding you. I just--I figured you didn’t want anything other than a presence.” She wanted to turn around, to face him, and watch the expressions play out on his face. She’d always loved that she could read him so well, but recently? It was a mistake. 

“That’s not what I want at all. I still want you.” 

_ This _ . This had to be a dream. She knew that something was wrong, and now she twisted to look at him. “No you don’t.” 

He arched an eyebrow. She could’ve cried with how familiar the look was. “I don’t?” 

“You haven’t freaked out. It’s taking its time in your brain, sure. But it’ll come. You’ll realize I’m damaged goods. That I’m not--not good enough.” She hated herself. Hated the tears that had started to spill down the sides of her cheeks, hot and angry, and tucked her chin to her chest before he could see them. 

He pulled her face up, and she pulled away. “No. I’m not good for you, Ben. You don’t know it. But I’m not. I’m fucking damaged and self centered and I don’t  _ think  _ before I act all the time. I’m a mess. And you don’t need that in your life. You were right--about our age difference. I shouldn’t have even tried--.” 

He pressed a finger to her lips and it cut her off mid-sentence. Her eyes raked up to stare at him and her heart broke to see how tenderly he stared down at her.. The finger left her mouth as he shifted his hand to cup the side of her face, and brought her closer to kiss. She wanted to scream. She wanted to break apart, to whimper and die in his arms and be reborn again as someone deserving of his affection. 

“Please.” It was all she could say as they pulled away, and even then the word was a broken, blubber of a word. “P-please Ben. Please don’t make this harder--harder than it is.” 

His hand was warm as he took her face in his palm once more, tipping her head upwards. His eyes were bloodshot, too, but the tears had yet to leave the corners of his eyes. “Rey, I’m not leaving you.” 

But why? She didn’t understand. Every fiber in his body should’ve hated her, should’ve been revolved at the thought of sharing her space. Still, he held her as tenderly as though she was everything in the world to him, and it only made the tears fall all the harder. 

“I’m not leaving you. I don’t ever want to leave you. I already told you it’s my fault--don’t.” He shook his head as she opened her mouth. “Let me talk. I knew what I was asking when I told you I was going to be gone away for a long time, and when we couldn’t figure out your schedule to go with it. I made peace with the idea that it was going to be  _ hard  _ on us both. I’ve grown to be used to you, to miss you when you’re not here, and I can’t imagine being without you now. Not now that I know what it feels like.” 

He cleared his throat, and she nuzzled his neck gently. His fingertips shifted from her face to her hair, running his hands through it slowly as he spoke. His whole body vibrated with the deep timbre of his voice, and it stuck in her throat as she listened. “I told you that I had hoped that my time away would help bring you and Kylo together because you two have been skirting around one another for  _ forever _ . Since the night you both met.” He laughed quietly. “And seriously some part of me knew it had to get out of your system. If it helped you handle my absence then . . . honestly, I’m just glad that you didn’t have a harder time. I’m glad that he was there to help you when I couldn’t. Now, am I pissed at him for how it went down? Abso-fucking-lutely. He’s got a lot of making up to do--not to me, but to  _ you _ . But.” Here he paused to take a breath. “If you want . . . if you want to try it. If you feel something for him to make you go back to him--and I’m not saying I blame you, not at all--. Then . . . we can give it a shot. After he makes it up to you. However he thinks he can.” 

She couldn’t be hearing him right. This was an auditory hallucination, brought on by exhaustion. The whole night felt like a dream, but this one part especially didn’t seem realistic. There was no fucking way Ben would ever--would  _ ever  _ be okay with this. 

She pinched herself but nothing happened. She chomped on the inside of her cheek until she tasted blood but the room stayed as stable as ever. No. No way. “You’re serious?” 

The hand that’d wrapped around her waist tightened. “Serious as ever. You know I don’t joke around with matters like this.”

A pause. What in the hell could she say back to that? A warm, deep part of her, traitorous though it was, wondered at whether or not this wasn’t part of his plan all along. That even though he said he wasn’t anticipating them to sleep together, whether he hadn’t orchestrated that, too. 

She shut that voice up quickly, and kissed the flat of his throat, right where she could feel his pulse. It was steady, a deep, perpetual thrum she’d missed counting all those damn days he was gone. “Can I think on it?” 

“Take all the time you need, Rey. I’m in no hurry.” 

 

\--

 

One day. Two. Three. A week. 

His phone was traitorous in its silence. Phasma and Hux called him, wanting to know whether he heard from Snoke. Snoke called him to offer up a second gig. A second chance to play again at the same venue where he and Rey had fucked last. 

Two weeks. He’d started to look like Ben, and he couldn’t give a half damn. Maybe he’d stop wearing contacts, maybe he’d wear henleys all day long to cover up the tats and see if that would let her wrap his arms around her. If she didn’t see it, couldn’t tell the differences, then they weren’t there, right? 

A month. 

His phone went off in the other room and the second glance at the screen made his heart race. 

“Kylo? We need to talk. Can you meet me for coffee?” 


	11. Chapter 11

Rey’s fingers tapped slowly on the pock marked wood of the table, her eyes searching out the window for Kylo as she saw his car pull up and park. Why was he taking so long? He didn’t exit the car immediately, and her grip on her mug of tea tightened out of anticipation. Her heart raced and she bit her bottom lip when he finally exited the parked vehicle, and she watched him as he moved closer, his every step practically echoing in her head. His dark eyes lit on her as soon as he stepped inside, and rather than heading towards the counter he strode closer, standing awkwardly a few inches away from her. 

“Hey.” His voice was scratchy, like he was coming down with something, or hadn’t spoken in a long time. 

She thumbed towards the counter. “Do you want something to drink?” 

He looked over, as though surprised that such a thing even existed, and murmured: “Oh, uh. No. I’m good for now.” 

When she didn’t push it he moved to sit opposite her, his knuckles whitening as he gripped the edges of the chair, waiting for one of them to break the silence. 

Rey opted to take charge. “Phas said you weren’t responding to anything. They haven’t heard from you in a month.” 

She watched his lips purse as he looked away from her, then his expression darkened considerably. “Is that why you brought me here? To talk about the band? Because Phasma asked you to?” 

“Why haven't you been showing up to practice? Or at least answering them back. They’re your band, Kylo,” she insisted. “You can’t just--.” 

He shrugged, and she tried not to focus on the rolling muscle just beneath his shirt. “Was thinking about quitting. Didn’t know how to tell them.” 

To say the news shocked Rey was an understatement, and she simply stared at him, her tea forgotten. Quitting? “Why?” she asked, voice coming out quieter, and breathier, than she’d intended. For as long as she’d known him which, granted, wasn’t all that long, he’d wanted to make it big with his group. Now that they were doing so well, were so damn close to their goal, he just wanted to walk away? “Kylo what happened?” 

She watched as his lips thinned and the muscles in his cheeks twitched, but again he didn’t meet her gaze. Nor did he answer immediately, taking his time as if he had to find his words. Rey’s left hand twitched, but before she could convince herself it was a bad idea she’d stretched her hand out to take his and squeeze it. He jolted like she’d shocked him, but Rey didn’t let go. 

“Kylo, talk to me.” 

“Why?” he spat, his eyes narrowing. She didn’t want him to look at her like that, like she’d fucking run over his dog. Like she’d broken his heart. “You don’t give a shit about me, Rey. You’ve got your twin back, why bother talking to me at all? Doubt he kicked you to the curb--no, I’m the only one who gets yelled at and fucking thrown out. He probably forgave you, already fucked you, because he knows he can’t get any better--.” 

“Stop it,” she hissed. Her grip on his hand had tightened, and she yanked him closer. He looked taken aback but she didn’t care, taking advantage of his silence to talk. “You don’t get to talk to me like that unless I want you to, Kylo Solo. It’s never been about  _ having _ anyone. You don’t  _ have  _ me, and I don’t  _ have  _ Ben. We’re people. We can’t be owned.” 

His expression curled into that of dark amusement. “Oh, I don’t know about that. Give me half an hour with you and I alone and I’ll make you feel more than he--.” 

She snarled and shoved his hand away, standing up quickly. “I can’t believe I was so stupid as--fuck it. Nevermind. You want to quit your band? Throw your hard work away. Fine.” She stormed off, batting away his hand that reached out to take hers as she hurried out of the room. It’d gone silent at her outburst, and she felt the heat of the patrons stares as she made her way through the door and down the stairs of the patio that connected to the front door. God, she was such an idiot. He wasn’t going to change! 

“Rey. Rey!” he shouted after her, his long legs making quick work of the head start she’d had over him. “I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t lie to me, it suits you too well,” she spat, not looking back at him. 

He grabbed her by the wrist and her mind whirled. On muscle memory alone, she gripped him hard and pinched one of the nerves in his palm that forced him to release her. With her hand still on his, she whipped him around and slammed his back against the side of the building. She heard the air leave his lungs in a soft cough and even though she had to stare up at him there was no hiding the fact that he was more than taken aback at her actions: he was worried. It lasted for all of five seconds before he leaned down to bridge the gap between them, kissing her so hard it stole her breath. She let him kiss her, let him run his tongue across her bottom lip and press into her mouth, let his hands fist themselves in the fabric of her sweater as he held her tight against him. 

She’d lied to herself so many times since Ben had come back, told herself she didn’t miss Kylo. Told herself that she was better off without him, that he was a  _ rapist  _ and disillusioned to think that they could ever be anything more than just a mistake. Promised herself that she’d never think about him again. 

Ben hadn’t pushed it--fuck, Ben had been a goddamn saint and blessing, something she’d never hoped to imagine. He’d never brought up Rey and Kylo together past the first time, but she could see it in the way he looked at her whenever his brother got brought up. He was watching for her expression, wanting to make sure she wouldn’t . . . wouldn’t  _ what _ ? Wouldn’t miss him? 

She pulled away from Kylo when her lungs burned for oxygen, breathing heavily as she stared up at him. His cheeks were flushed, and his lips swollen, but his eyes were bright with a hope she hadn’t seen since they’d first started sleeping together. It made her feel like shit. “I knew you missed me,” he murmured quietly, leaning down to press his forehead against hers. “Rey. Please, come back with me. I need you--.” 

“No.” The word was short, falling on his ears the way an atom bomb would fall to the earth: without mercy. His expression crumbled and he made to push her away, but she shoved him back up against the wall. “You’re coming home with me.” She wouldn’t even bother asking whether or not he had anything else to do. He’d drop it, drop everything, if it meant he’d get to have her again. 

The look that crossed his face told her she was spot on, and he promised to meet her back at her place minutes later. Rey didn’t start hyperventilating until she made it to her car, and pressed her forehead against the steering wheel. God, she hoped she was doing the right thing. 

 

\--

 

When she’d invited him back to her apartment he wasn’t expecting to see Ben’s car in the parking lot, too. His stomach, which had been doing elated flips ever since she finally asked him back, plummeted, as he sat in his car. Was this an ambush waiting to happen? He hadn’t heard a damn thing from his brother save a couple texts here and there asking how he was doing. He’d never responded. Quickly, his eyes looked out around the lot to see if Hux or Phasma’s cars were waiting, praying that this was some sort of intervention and not about to be a bloodbath. 

Not to say they wouldn’t get involved in the action if they knew what he’d done. 

He watched Rey park her car, the stride over to meet him. Her brow was furrowed until her eyes followed his and saw him staring at Ben’s car. 

“So. This isn’t--. I mean. Rey, what  _ is _ this? What’s going on?” God, he sounded pathetic. He looked up at her through the rolled down window, and her expression seemed to soften, as though she could read his mind. 

“Nothing bad is waiting for you up there. We aren’t going to kill you.” 

So she said. A vision of Carrie with pig’s blood, of his brother coming at him with a chainsaw, or even worse of Rey fucking his brother in front of Kylo, played before his eyes in rapid succession. He needed to get a grip on himself. 

He turned off the car and followed her upstairs to the apartment, all the while waiting for the other shoe to drop, and her to push him down the stairs or something. 

She unlocked the door and opened it, stepping inside first. “Ben? Got company.” 

Kylo’s heart about beat out of his chest as his brother stepped forward from the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist, and actually  _ smiled  _ at Kylo. “You look a little worse for wear.” 

It was all he could do to not gawk at the pair of them, biting his bottom lip as he stared from one to the other. Right. “Well. Shit happens sometimes. Uh, why’m I here?” 

Beside him, Rey fidgeted, and he had an odd desire to step away from her just in case she was carrying something a little more deadly than pigs blood. Ben’s eyes were drawn to Rey, too, but he frowned and tipped his head to the side. “You didn’t tell him?” 

“I wanted to wait. Didn’t feel like the right time.” 

“Oh, well, it’s your call--.” 

Kylo’s hands fisted. “Sorry to break this up, but what the fuck is going on?” 

“Ben wants to watch you fuck me, and I want you to fuck me. Again. Happy?” 

Kylo watched her face go red, watched as she couldn’t meet his eyes, while his brain worked to process just what in the ever loving fuck it was she said. No way. No fucking way. He turned his attention from Rey, to Ben, who just shrugged. 

“It’s all Rey’s fault. She got to talking about voyeurism and how it’s one of her biggest turn ons, to be watched as she’s fucked--figured you were a shoe in.” Ben’s smile was warm, inviting, but Kylo felt cold. He wanted to look at this like a blessing, wanted to be grateful for this opportunity--this  _ pass _ \--to fuck Rey again but . . . he wanted more. 

He shook his head. “No.” 

Rey’s gaze snapped up at him. What? “What do you mean  _ no _ ?” she asked, voice disbelieving as she toed off her boots. It took a couple of inches off of her height, which he had to admit was pretty damn adorable. Fuck. 

Righteous anger swelled within him. “No, I’m not going to be some fucking stand in because you want to be watched while you fuck someone who looks like your boyfriend. No, I’m not going to settle for scraps when I want  _ you _ , Rey. And if you’re just going to string me along--.” 

“It’s not--. It’s not a one time offer.” 

Now . . . Now Kylo was sure he was dreaming. Fuck death, this was a quasi dream-nightmare-fuck-all of his worst and favorite fantasy. He looked from Rey to Ben, who offered him a small smile. 

“It’s what she wants,” he murmured. “And what I want. And if you want it, too, then I guess there’s no reason not to. Right? Besides.” 

Kylo swallows hard, sure that  _ now  _ he’s found the catch. 

“You owe her. Big time. Might as well make it something she enjoys, and might as well get started right away.” Ben’s eyes darkened in a look Kylo recognized from himself. He moved to sit on one of the small armchairs, his towel falling to the floor as his cock, already half hard, rose fro between his legs. Rey’s gaze immediately fixated on it, before she turned to Kylo with lust in her eyes. 

“Go on then,” Ben muttered. “Strip.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you guys so much. So very, very much.   
> So much that I decided AGAINST letting the fic end here because xD it would wrap the storyline up nicely?? But we need some smut. Next chapter is where the smut happens. I'm just running late for work now and I wanted to get this up.   
> Thank you!


	12. Chapter 12

Rey would be lying if she said a curl of heat didn’t start in her belly at Ben’s command. Still, true to the promise she made him when she’d admitted to wanting to try this, she followed his orders. Her shirt hit the ground just as Kylo spluttered: “Wait--this is happening?” 

She shot him a look, her lips twisting in a wry smirk. “Don’t tell me you can’t perform with an audience, Kylo?” 

A muscle twitched in his jaw, but it was Ben’s laugh that rang in Rey’s ears. 

“She’s got you there.” 

“Shuddup.” There was no heat behind the words, and Rey watched as he shed the sweater and let it fall to join her shirt. Her eyes drank in the rippling muscle, the dark ink of his tattoos shifting with his every breath. She wet her bottom lip. Fuck. She’d liked his ink since she could remember, had been secretly impressed by the extent to which he’d dedicated his body to his interests. Even if she’d shoved all those thoughts away, they came back now as she stripped her pants slowly. Her eyes instinctively found Ben, and she flushed with pleasure when she watched his pupils darken at the sight of her naked body. They’d made love once she’d reconciled herself to the realities--that he loved her still--but she didn’t think it would ever stop amazing her that he still wanted her. 

He beckoned her closer, and she went willingly into his arms, slipping onto his lap. His cock was hard against her groin, slipping against the silk panties she’d worn, glad now that she’d decided on the extravagance. He placed his palms on her shoulders and slowly, teasingly, slid them downwards to undo the clasp of her bra. Her nipples were already hard, but a soft gasp left her throat as the cold air hit her sensitive skin. She was hyper aware of everything, of the heat of Kylo’s stare, on Ben’s hands running reverently up and down her body. He leaned in and sucked one of her nipples into his mouth, and she whimpered at the sensation. 

The sound must’ve brought Kylo to life, and she felt him step up behind her to fit his hands so perfectly on her hips. He’d done away with his boxers already, the head of his cock pressing against her back as he bent down. One hand captured her chin, turning her head gently, and she kissed him with a soft whimper as another bolt of pleasure ran through her at the two of them. Kylo’s hand left her chin to play with her other breast, as one of Ben’s fingers dipped beneath the band of her panties and stroked her already wet sex, sliding against her slick clit. She jolted, breaking from Kylo with a hard moan, and he grinned. 

“You’re quite responsive today, aren’t you?” he teased. 

“Not used to four hands on me at once,” she admitted, feeling her cheeks warm up as she stared up at him. His eyes were so dark she could practically see herself reflected back in them. 

“Are you complaining?” Ben asked, pulling away from her nipple with one slow, tentative lick, before running his teeth over the underside of her breast. 

She shook her head, shivering. “N-no.” 

“Good. Now, why don’t you two go continue this on the couch?” Ben suggested, voice thick and lips swollen from where he’d kissed and sucked at her skin. She stared down at him, confused, but nodded. If that was what he wanted then she wasn’t going to tell him no. Kylo quickly backed off, sitting on the edge of the couch and watching eagerly as Rey extricated herself slowly from his brother. She made it a show, bending over to remove her socks and give Ben a hell of a view of her silk covered ass, before she stalked closer to Kylo. She sat on his lap, still facing Ben, and ground her hips back against Kylo’s dick. He was already leaking, desperate for more, and she positioned herself to sit on his lap so that his cock fit easily between her legs. 

“Put your hands on my waist,” she murmured to him, knowing without having to double check that Ben was watching. Kylo obliged, whether too shocked or too enamored to even think about suggesting anything else. She took his cock in hand and slid her panties aside, slotting his cock in the space between her panties and cunt. She slid against him, her hips rocking, and he threw his head backwards. Kylo’s cock reddened, as though he hadn’t touched it in weeks, and she grinned to be the source of his torment. Payback. 

Ben had his hand on his cock, slowly swiping his thumb over the tip to spread the precome that had collected. His mouth fell open to watch the pair of them, Rey angling her body so that he could see exactly how she slid against Kylo, her back arched so that her breasts bounced invitingly. Kylo reached up and around to fondle them, and she whimpered. She didn’t stop watching Ben, though, loving to see how he was coming undone from watching the whole affair. He wanted this. He wanted her, wanted her to fuck his brother, and she was pretty sure she’d died and gone to heaven. 

“Take off your panties, Rey,” Ben said, voice little more than a growl of pleasure. “I want to see you ride him.” 

_ Fuck _ . He sounded so damn turned on by the idea that though she flushed, she got shakily to her feet. Balancing on the couch was no easy feat, but Kylo’s hands stayed on her waist to help her find her balance. No sooner had she slid one leg through, the silk hanging from her left thigh, than Kylo’s lips found her cunt. She was at the perfect height to just sit and ride his face, and she whimpered as his tongue slid against her clit, before easing into her. With his hands on her to maintain her balance it was easy to let her hips grind against his full lips, to let the soaring heights that was her impending orgasm make her vision blur. She refused to take her eyes away from Ben, loving that he was watching the pair of them so intently, and when she crested and her toes dug into the sofa she watched as he had to grab the base of his cock to keep from coming along with her. 

“How was that?” She licked her dry lips, grinning. “For riding him?” 

Ben’s laugh was dark. “Cute try, Rey. A for effort, but don’t you want more?” 

The question felt barbed and she paused, considering her options. Was this a test? “I want whatever it is you want for me.” 

Kylo, wisely, said nothing. Ben’s face eased into a smile and he nodded. “I’d like to see you ride his cock.” 

She nodded, easing down slowly to her haunches so that her slit was poised just above his cock. Kylo leaned in and kissed his way up the column of her throat, sucking slow, sweet bruises to her skin as she slid down onto him. He hissed against her skin and she whimpered as he filled her. She forgot the way his dick curved just right within her, while Ben’s was long and straight and filled her to the very brim. 

Ben sighed. “That’s it. Good girl.” 

Rey actually groaned at his words, her back arching as she lifted herself off of Kylo, then slid back down. His fingers tightened, holding her waist, before his left traveled down to rub at her clit. Her hips bucked, driving the head of his cock straight into her g-spot, and she shouted in surprise. 

“Wanna see you ride him as hard as you can,” Ben said, voice rough as his hand quickened over his own cock. “I wanna see what you look like when you come apart.” 

As if they hadn’t fucked a hundred times over to show him that. Still, the thought made her whimper, stuttering a quiet: “Okay,” before she picked up the pace. Her body undulated to a beat she wasn’t even sure she knew, but one that Kylo managed to keep up with without issue. When he tilted his hips just so, and the blunt head of his dick rubbed up against that sweet spot within her once again, she had to bite her lip to keep from screaming too loudly, losing the tempo they’d built. 

Kylo took over. His hands were firm as he gripped her by the hips and held her upwards, his cock slamming up and into her with a speed she could hardly fathom. Was he trying to prove something to her? To Ben? 

“Ben, c’mere,” Kylo bit out, his teeth clenched, his eyes fixated on watching himself disappear into Rey, watching as her body accepted him over and over again. Wordlessly, Ben stood, and Kylo slammed Rey down onto his cock. 

“Suck his cock, baby girl,” he growled to Rey, who leaned forward to oblige without thinking. Ben didn’t seem to mind, his hand dropping to stroke her hair as she slid his cock past her lips and bobbed her head in time to Kylo’s thrusts. She’d never taken two men at once, and the thought that she had both of them filling her up? Was a delicious one she’d be revisiting any night she happened to be alone. Rey looked up at Ben through her eyelashes, grinning around his cock to see that his brow was furrowed, face screwed up with concentration, as she slid her tongue along the underside of his cock. 

She pulled off with a wet pop. “Fuck you taste so good,” she gasped, cheeks red from a lack of oxygen, eyes glazed as he bent down to kiss her. Kylo’s pace picked up again. 

“Think you could take us both?” Ben smirked. “Or you want my cock in your mouth again?” 

She whimpered, but nodded. “Wanna try. Please?” 

“Anything you want,” Kylo grunted, slowing down and staring up at Ben, who nodded. 

“We’d better move this to the bedroom, then.” 

 

\--

 

They made a bit of an awkward sight, shuffling towards the bedroom, and Kylo had to keep from laughing at the thought of what the neighbors would’ve seen if Rey and Ben hadn’t closed all the windows. Honestly, he had to keep from laughing that this was happening  _ at all.  _ Never, in his wildest imaginations, had he thought that Ben would willingly share, let alone suggest to Rey that she fuck the both of them at the same time. They’d done anal before, with his fingers stretching her out as he fucked her cunt, but this would be different. Better, he imagined. As Ben moved to the side to grab a bottle of lube, Kylo laid down next to Rey and let her crawl atop him. She took her place back on his cock and whimpered as he filled her once more, her head thrown back, hands sliding up her own body to play with her breasts. “‘M so close,” she muttered under her breath, and Kylo sucked in a quick gasp as she rode him, seeking out her own salvation. She was so gorgeous like this: wanton, open and willing, fucked out beyond all coherent thought save wanting  _ more _ . It was heady to look at, even better to be a part of. 

Ben came back with slicked up fingers, and murmured for Rey to lean forward so he could prep her. She obliged, resting on Kylo’s chest and rolling her hips slowly as Ben eased a finger past the furl of her asshole, then another. With eager eyes, Kylo watched his hand pump, his expression amazed and more than a little entranced by how easily her body accepted him. 

“Got her nice and ready for you,” Kylo said with a wide, roguish grin. “Though I’ve never been in her ass save for a few fingers at a time.” 

“Good.” The word was biting, and Ben’s head snapped upwards. “Don’t talk about that.” 

Right. That was stupid of him. He swallowed his words by kissing Rey, again, and letting her melt against him, whimpering and whining as pleasure ate away at her coherency. Her eyes were heavy, lidded and disconnected. Kylo didn’t think he’d ever seen her so beautiful, except perhaps when she was mad at him. It would always be a toss up as to how he preferred her: spitting curses at him, or cursing how perfectly he was fucking her. He reached a hand up to stroke the side of her face, leaning in once more to kiss her as Ben withdrew his fingers in favor of spreading her cheeks. Kylo pulled away to watch as he lined up his cock, and groaned as he felt a new pressure against his own dick as Ben slid inside. Rey tensed, whimpering and balling her hands in the comforter, but Ben rubbed her back gently. 

“Relax Rey. Let me help you. Gonna make you come so hard, but you’ve gotta relax for me.” He stilled, a couple inches within her. Kylo had to start grinding out his bill estimates for the next couple months in order to keep from blowing his load right then and there. “Only a few more inches to go. Then I’ll be all the way inside you. Think you can handle that for me?” 

“Yes,” she whimpered again, shivering, as Ben continued to stroke her back gently. “I can take it. Want it so bad. Please?” 

“Of course. Just relax.” 

Kylo tried to follow the same advice, kissing her temples and head, his hands smoothing slow circles into her hips as Ben pressed the rest of the way inside of her. She only cried out once, burying her face in Kylo’s chest, but she mirrored Ben’s deep groan of appreciation as he buried himself within her. 

Kylo moved first, determinedly withdrawing from her, before slipping back all the way inside. Ben joined in, and between them both they had a rhythm, a give and take that could only be established by two men who knew everything about the other. Rey came alive between them, writhing, arching her back and looking back to stare at Ben, at how he disappeared between her asscheeks, then between her legs where Kylo kept pressing inside of her. 

“Sit up for me,” Kylo murmured to her, finding access to her clit and taking it. He wasn’t going to last all that long if they kept it up; the pressure was exquisite, nothing like he’d ever experienced before, and he felt her stomach bulging with every jolt of his hips, the pair of them so large that they filled her more than entirely. She obliged, jerking her hips back in tandem with their thrusts forward, and Kylo moved his hand to play with her clit. Her sex was absolutely soaked, and he rubbed the small bundle of nerves in quick, small circles until she was shrieking. 

When she came it was with all the strength of a bomb going off, dragging Kylo and Ben down with her. They’d been edging near the cusp of coming for some time, but she was the catalyst to set them off. Kylo’s cock pulsed within her, not bothering to pull out when it hardly mattered, while Ben slammed his hips more fully against hers. His whole body shook with the tremors of his orgasm, and Kylo was struck by the way their foreheads both creased when they peaked, how his every tense muscle mirrored Kylo’ completely. 

“Fuck, that’s so hot.” 

Rey was staring between them, at the come that dribbed down her thigh and onto Kylo and Ben’s cocks as they began to slide out of her. Her cheeks were red, but she didn’t offer up an apology or explanation as she simply stared. 

“Gonna have to get you a plug, plug you up,” Ben murmured to hear quietly. “Can’t believe we haven’t done that before, you’re such a comeslut.” 

Already she was dragging her fingers through the spilled seed and bringing them to her lips, grinning up at Ben as she sucked each digit into her mouth and cleaned them with her tongue, making sure he could see the whole thing. Kylo burned the images in his head. He wanted to remember that until the day he died. 

He flopped back onto the bed and stared up at the pair of them. “So . . . I say give it two hours then we try for round two. Now that there’s two of us,” he smirked at Ben. “We’ve got a lot more to try.” 

That Ben bobbed his head in agreement, instead of clocking Kylo, was nothing short of a miracle in itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So . . . We finally got to the scene that I've been planning since day one. Hope it was well worth the drama and the wait it took to get here! Not so sure how many more chapters there'll be before I finish this bad boy up, given that this is, to me, just about it.   
> Thank you so much for reading and for all your comments! They give me life and make writing that much easier.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M NOT DEAD! I promise! Thank you so much for waiting so patiently for an update--it's not quite done yet, but I am working on wrapping this bad boy up. It's been fun, but all good things must come to an end unfortunately.   
> This chapter only has Rey's POV, but I hope that's a okay. Kylo's will return for the next update. Thank you, again, for your support. It helps me keep wanting to write and keeps me inspired.   
> Enjoy!

The following week made for an interesting one. Kylo spent just about every evening there, already showing up as soon as she or Ben came home for the day. Where she would’ve expected the two brothers to be tense, or at least getting on each other’s nerves given how often they were falling into bed with her, if anything Kylo seemed to be far more relaxed than ever. Ben, too, was smiling more frequently. They were talking more often, though they did their best to act as though nothing had  _ really  _ changed between them. Ben and Rey were still, officially, a couple, but even in public Kylo wasn’t all too afraid of being handsy. 

Rey . . . loved it. Loved that she was able to look across the room when Kylo had his arm wrapped around her, only to find Ben smiling at the two of them. He’d kiss her just as passionately that evening, make love to her just how she liked, and then let Kylo fuck the ever loving shit out of her while he watched in a post-orgasm induced state of bliss. 

If she was really lucky, they took her at the exact same time, and she’d lay boneless between them at the end of the exertion, her fingers and legs tangled with theirs. 

It was very near perfect, or at least as perfect as it could’ve been. 

 

The band had a gig coming up at the end of the month, Kylo having finally accepted another offer from Snoke to play at the Finalizer once more. This time Rey would be accompanied by Ben, who had heard the news with a tight lipped look directed at Kylo. “Snoke. As in the record mogul who’s screwed over at least five other artists?” he asked, eyes narrowing. “Who’s been involved in a cocaine ring even though none of his charges have ever stuck.” 

Kylo shrugged. “That’s my life, Ben, is sex, drugs, and rock and roll.” 

“Not if you’d like to continue what we have,” Ben said simply. Rey looked up from where she’d been reading an article on her phone, starring between the two of them. What the hell was Ben proposing? 

Kylo chewed on the inside of his lip, his eyes narrowed. “What. you want me to get a nine to five like you?” 

Ben shook his head, and Rey was glad of it. The thought of Kylo doing anything but music wa s. . . an odd one, to say the least. “No. You’d drive yourself crazy. But whatever you decide to do--drugs, sex, the whole nine yards--comes back to affect us as well. You decide you’re going to use someone’s dirty needle and suddenly Rey and I are at risk. I won’t allow it, Kylo. There’s a lot I’ll accept, but putting my life on the line? My girlfriend’s? If you get involved with Snoke and  _ his  _ line of business then there’s nothing for us to discuss, and this needs to end.” 

Rey’s stomach dropped. Hell of an ultimatum, but he had a good point. She didn’t want to consider the risks that they’d be taking if Kylo was to make his way further into the music world. As he’d said, that was part of the whole scene, part of the allure, but Rey didn’t want that. Neither did Ben. 

Kylo’s jaw tightened, a look Rey knew meant he was angling for a fight. “So what, we just bow out? I’ll be lucky to be able to  _ buy  _ us another gig, let alone get paid for one for cancelling so soon before a performance. And what will Phas and Hux say?” The look he fixed his brother with was a hard one, one that Rey wanted to smack off his face. He’d made up his mind already and there was no changing it. Brat. “I’m not going to get involved, Ben, not with stupid shit like that. But I’m not pussying out now.” 

Rey growled. “Don’t say that, you only make yourself sound stupid.” 

He opened his mouth to retaliate, before shutting it. “Sorry,” was all that left his mouth instead, and it was at least a start. 

Ben still wasn’t looking impressed, folding his arms over his chest as he stared. Rey reached out and rubbed his back gently, looking up at him. “It’s a show, Ben,” she murmured softly. “We’ll be there the whole time, then once it’s over it’ll be done. For good. Right, Kylo?” 

“Yeah,” Kylo said with a quick nod. “Yeah. Exactly. Just the show, then we’ll come back here. Nothing funny. It was totally legit the first time we went, wasn’t it, Rey?” 

From what she could see yes. Still, that didn’t mean anything for what had happened backstage, or even apart from his small group. Phas and Hux weren’t stupid, but Kylo? More than a little temptation-prone. She would know. “Just don’t fuck it up, Kylo. Please.” 

His grin was wide and almost painful. “I won’t,” he assured her. 

 

Kylo left for practice that night, leaving Ben and Rey with the apartment to themselves for the first time since Ben had gotten back. Rey wished she could say that her stomach wasn’t the slightest bit nervous, but that’d be a huge lie. It wasn’t that she didn’t remember how to be alone with him . . . just that she wasn’t so sure he would. With dinner already out of the way, she retired to the living room, tucking her feet underneath her as she picked up the nearest magazine and perused it without really reading it. She heard Ben step into the room without having to look up, just as she felt the couch dip underneath his weight. 

“Are you avoiding me?” he asked quietly. 

She looked up and over the magazine, shaking her head. “No. No, of course not. Just . . . didn’t want to encroach. If you needed any time to yourself or anything.” 

Ben smiled and it stole Rey’s breath. “You’re too good to me,” he said softly, reaching out to cup her chin and tug her slowly forward. When their lips met she swore she could’ve cried. Sure, they’d kissed since their first night with Kylo, but there was something about it . . . knowing that it was just them, in their apartment, was more than Rey could stand without starting to hyperventilate. 

“I don’t think so,” she admonished quietly. “I think . . . I’m pretty shitty, honestly. Some days! I have good days, of course.” She tried for a warm smile but was certain it looked like a grimace. “I just--I love you. I’m glad I could make you happy.” 

“You always have, Rey. You know that.” Ben wetted his lips, and reached to kiss her once more, lingering so that her cheeks grew warm. “Can I take you to bed?” 

“Yes,” she gasped. “Please.” 

With ease they maneuvered themselves into the bedroom, shedding clothes with their every step. Rey pushed Ben back onto the bed and he went willingly, a wide grin splitting his face. One of his hands shot out to snag her by the wrist to pull her down with him, but the angle was such that Rey lost her balance. With a squeal she stumbled onto the bed, face first. Ben snorted before he could help himself, apologizing in between laughter as Rey’s whole body shook with mirth, nostrils filled with the scent of linen before she pulled her face out of the bed to glower. “You’re so impatient,” she fake growled, climbing atop of him so she could pin his wrists to the side. His glasses were only slightly askew, his face a light pink from having laughed at her, and she wanted to memorize the sight. Wanted to hold onto this moment forever. 

“Pot, kettle,” he mumbled, leaning up to kiss her and ripping his glasses off when they got in his way of their next kiss. She took them from his hand before he could set them to the side, and when they pulled away for air she slipped them on. The world blurred around her, but she swore Ben remained as clear and solid and real as her own heart. She felt his sharp intake of breath before he kissed her even harder. Her body melted against his, her bones turned to mush, muscles soft as jelly as he pulled the air from her lungs. How much, she wondered, would it cost to pick up a dud pair of glasses, if they had this effect? 

“So, you’ve got a thing for nerd girls?” she half gasped when they parted. She could feel his erection twitch where it was pressed up against her ass, and with an expert swivel of her hips she rose just enough to allow her to slide down on his cock. He groaned, loud and hard, and his hands sought purchase on her hips. 

“I have a thing for  _ you _ .” He removed the glasses, smiling in sharp focus now. “You could wear a sack and still find a way to turn me on.” 

She snickered. “Sack strip tease.” Her hands gripped his shoulders to allow her some leverage as she rose on her haunches, then slid the rest of the way down. His hips jerked, toppling her balance so that she sank to the hilt, and shuddered to feel so full. He’d always fit her so perfectly, and with his arms around her she swore she could just curl up and be content like this for the rest of her life. 

Well, maybe not the rest. She whimpered as he shifted, the length of his dick rubbing against the sensitive stretch of nerves inside her. 

“Rey,” Ben breathed. “I want to make you come by playing with your clit. Can I?” 

As if he had to ask. “Yeah, please baby.” She looked up at him with wide eyes and parted lips as he reached his right hand down to her slit. His thumb and middle finger parted her slick folds, already stretched around his cock, while his pointer finger circled her clit slowly. He kept his pace torturous, and his left arm wrapped strongly around her, keeping her in place on his cock as he teased her. 

Her world spun, eyes fluttering as she looked up at him and tried to wrap her brain around the fact that this man was all hers. This wonderful, incredible, forgiving man thought she was worthy of his love, and showed it however best he could. She shivered, tightening around him and rocking against his cock. “Fuuuck, Ben.  _ Ben _ ,” she gasped. She pressed her forehead against his shoulder, shuddering and digging her nails into his back as she tried to wrap her mind around how close she was, already, to coming. She could’ve screamed when he pulled away, slowing down to drag her orgasm out. 

“Stop,” she whined, the word leaving her mouth in a series of syllables so that it no longer sounded like English. He didn’t. She swore she could feel him smiling as he circled her clit with the pad of his finger, adding pressure enough to make her squeal before resuming that same teasing pace as before. 

Finally, when she thought she was going to go insane, he picked up the pace again. As her breath caught and her skin broke out into goosebumps under his touch, he rubbed harder, faster, and in just the way he knew she liked. It didn’t take long for her back to bow, for her cunt to tighten around his cock, and her nails to dig into his skin. 

“That’s it,” Ben groaned quietly. “You’re so gorgeous, Rey. Beautiful. I love you so much.” He leaned in to bite at her earlobe, breath warm when he came away. “You’re almost there. Can you come for me, my Rey?” 

Yes, she could, and she did. Her whole body went tense, stars flashing before her eyes, breath leaving her body as pleasure overrode every other sensation and basic human need. She swore the earth shattered and pieced itself together in the span of every other breath, and it was to her surprise that she felt Ben spilling inside of her as well. He groaned in her ear and she shivered at the sensation. Oh, oh  _ fuck _ that was beyond hot. 

“You came just from me doing the same?” she asked when her head finally stopped spinning, blinking back surprised tears to stare up at him. 

His flush deepened, extending to the tips of his ears. “Yeah. That felt . . . amazing. Rey, oh my god.” He shuddered and buried his face in the crook of her neck. “Seriously, holy shit.” 

Rey grinned, rubbing his back gingerly as she took care to avoid the long scratches she’d left on his back. “Thank you, Ben. Thank you for everything.” 

“Any time.” 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the long wait, and thank you so much for your patience! I hope you enjoy the update and the story's progression. I'm not thrilled with this chapter, as it feels like it takes too long, but it's a necessary thing. As ever, you guys are incredible, and thank you a million for your comments and thoughts! They really help keep things moving, even if it doesn't always seem like that <3

Rey and Ben had plans to meet the others at The Finalizer, driving separately rather than caravaning with the others. Finn and Poe had likely already gotten there, given that Finn had texted Rey that they’d left ten or so minutes before she and Ben had. Ben had wheedled Han to try and get him to go, but the older man had bowed out. Rey was pretty sure, though Ben hadn’t said anything, that he was hoping the presence of their father might keep Kylo from doing anything too stupid or reckless, though Rey was pretty positive it’d have the opposite effect and push him right into the mouth of stupidity. Something about Han’s presence set Kylo off, and Leia wasn’t back yet to diffuse it. 

Ben’s knuckles were white on the steering wheel, his grip tightening the closer they got to the building, and Rey covered his nearest hand with her own. “Hey,” she said quietly, feeling her stomach flop with the intense look he shot her. “Take a breath. It’ll all be okay.” Would it? Sure, Kylo had said again and again that this mattered, that their . . . relationship, if it could be called that, was more important than the extras that came with the ‘rock and roll’ lifestyle, but how much had he meant it? Really,  _ truly _ meant it? 

“I want to believe him,” Ben said, as if he’d just read her mind. “I do. But I know my brother, probably better than he likes, and everything in me is saying that this is a bad idea.” 

“But would he be happy if he didn’t at least try?” she murmured. “Or would he resent the pair of us for making him stop?” 

“At the end of the day it’s not his resentment I’m worried about,” Ben said, and his voice grew a little sharper. It’s that it could come back to hurt us. You.” He threw the car into park and with a jolt of realization Rey noticed that they’d arrived. Oh. 

Her face warmed under the heat of Ben’s gaze and she leaned over to kiss him slowly. She rarely heard him so on edge and it made her stomach sink to think that she’d partially dragged him into this sort of situation. Certainly he’d still care about his brother, but her involvement with Kylo wasn’t easy for Ben, nor was the fact that she put him directly at risk with her actions and her interest in Kylo. “All you have to do is say the word and this . . . trio thing we have doesn’t have to exist anymore,” she promised him softly. It hurt, sure. It physically stung her to think about Kylo’s face when she told him that she was going to just be seeing Ben--exclusively Ben--but she loved him. Her future, ultimately, was with him, and while she’d love to have Kylo with the two of them how long were they expected to be able to carry this threesome on? Kylo was difficult enough to pin down at the best of times, so why could she ever give up the solidity that she had with Ben for Kylo? 

“I love you,” she said softly. 

“And I love you,” he echoed with a small smile. “And I love how you come alive with the both of us, but if he ends up fucking this . . . situation up, that might be the only option left to us. I want to trust him, but I’m not a moron enough to think either of us can really change who he is. No one can.” 

Rey looked down at her lap, nodding. He had a valid point, more than valid, and as they got out of the car it was with a new sort of dread in her gut. God, she hoped everything went according to plan. 

 

The bar was already packed by the time they got past the bouncers at the doors, the opening act getting ready to take the stage. Rey’d looked them up online after finding out that they’d be headlining for The First Order, and really? She wasn’t the biggest fan of Delphi Kloda, nor their lead singer Bazine Netal. They weren’t really her genre, though to be fair neither was First Order, but whereas she could at least appreciate Hux’s talent, Netal sounded as though she was a robot who’d been programmed to simulate emotion, but couldn’t fake it all that well. She wasn’t much looking forward to the heavily modified crooning vocals of the woman she’d heard first on YouTube, singing about hunting down her enemies. 

“I’m going to get a drink,” Ben shouted to Rey over the volume of the hall, and Rey leaned in to kiss him quickly. 

“Gin and tonic for me, please,” she said with a smile as he nodded, then disappeared. She watched him bob out of sight, watched the double takes that he got as he made his way through the crowd. A couple of girls came up to him, their faces alight with excitement, before their expressions fell just seconds later. He must’ve told them that no, he wasn’t the lead guitarist. Being the twin of an artist had its downfalls, though she didn’t see him have to pay for his drinks at the bar, so maybe it wasn’t too bad. He came back moments later, offering her up the clear plastic cup with a look in his eyes that said she was right about the latter, though she could still see the tension in his shoulders as he began to guzzle his beer. She swore she caught sight of Finn in the distance, but was too distracted by how quickly Ben was drinking to consider going over to speak with him right then. 

“Calm down,” she leaned in to say. “It’s just a couple of songs, that’s all. Do you want to go visit him backstage? I really don’t feel like watching their opener.” 

With a nod, he followed her out of the main room and into the dimly lit hallways that looped behind a pair of double doors. Already she could hear the riffs of the guitarist on stage, warming up to a thunderous roar of the crowd, and she felt her heart skip. What would it be like to be on stage, to have that adrenaline making your blood burn as you poured your heart out for those lucky enough to hear it? It sounded exhausting, and exhilarating all at once, and not for the first time Rey wondered whether or not she should stick around behind the stage just to get a glimpse of what Kylo, Hux, and Phasma did every time they performed. 

On the other hand, she liked her anonymity, and sticking around the back was sure to get someone’s attention. Everyone had a phone, everyone was taking pictures, and it would only be too easy for additional shots to be taken of her and the rumors to grow about her playing both brothers. Nevermind, she thought with a small smile, that they were very much aware of the situation. 

Bazine was in the room with the three members of First Order, and the look she was shooting at Kylo brought Rey to see red almost as soon as they stepped inside. She looked hungry, like she hadn’t eaten in months, and Kylo was little more than a three course meal for her to devour. She’d taken the closest seat to him, propping her long legs up on the armrest of his chair so that she wasn’t necessarily touching him, but she came damn close. Phasma looked like she was trying not to laugh as Kylo stood up so quickly he upset Bazine, nearly sending her falling out of her seat as he stepped closer and embraced Rey first in a tight hug. 

“Glad you could make it,” he purred in her ear, and she felt that same jealousy bug bite her as she caught the heat of Bazine’s stare. She wanted to kiss him, lay claim to the man in her arms despite everyone watching, but instead buried her smile into his shoulder, letting him hold her closer. She’d seen him flirt before, been on the receiving end of it most of the time, but also watched as his charming smile and cock-sure attitude helped him to score both strangers and groupies alike for the evening, but never before had she felt this strongly about wanting him far, far away from another woman. 

“You know we wouldn’t miss it,” she said as she pulled away, his hand lingering on her back as Kylo moved to embrace his twin. Rey didn’t miss Phasma or Hux’s surprised look, the pair of them clearly having anticipated Rey yelling at Kylo for so much as touching her. 

She couldn’t even find it in her to play the part. Let Bazine think that it was, at least in some way mutual. She’d rarely ever felt so possessive, but she wasn’t taking any chances and losing either one of her boys if she could help it. 

 

\--

 

Kylo wasn’t a moron, contrary to popular belief, so when Rey had walked in on Bazine’s attempt to get to know him better, with thinly veiled hints at just how she’d like to continue their relationship past this evening’s performance, standing up and distancing himself from her was the best--and his only--option. Rey’s eyes had flashed as she’d watched the woman, and her grip on his waist when she’d hugged him had been strong, even by her standards. He swore he could feel her stomach flip-flopping as she buried her face in his shoulder, breath warm against his shirt. He ran a hand through her hair gently, his eyes rising to meet Ben’s, before he and Rey distanced themselves from one another. If her seeing him with an interested, other woman had gotten her so jealous, what the hell would she do if she saw the usual shit he had to put up with when the groupies were around? 

Not that he could ask her that in front of everyone else, of course. As she moved off to sit with Phasma he embraced Ben, and pulled away with a soft murmur: “Everything okay?” 

“We’re both just a little on edge,” Ben said, voice quiet enough that the others would miss it, what with Rey keeping both Hux and Phasma’s attention. Bazine, he noticed when he looked around, had managed to slither out, likely to join the band already beginning without her on the stage. 

“On edge? I thought she was going to straight up murder Bazine,” Kylo said with a quiet snort, shaking his head as Ben fixed him with a hard look. 

“We both care very much about you not fucking this up,” his brother said, voice a quiet hiss that made Kylo’s skin grow cold. “Laughing at Rey’s worry and fears isn’t the most reassuring of things you could do.” 

Kylo bared his teeth, eyes narrowing as he surveyed Ben. Perfect, wonderful Ben, who’d never given Rey a moment’s doubt as to how he felt about her, who’d gotten the girl and had deigned to share her with his twin. What more did he want from Kylo, really? He looked over at Rey, watched how her face animated and how she relaxed now that the other woman had left, and sighed quietly. “I’m not laughing at it. I’m just surprised, is all. It’s not like her.” 

Ben shook his head, and the irritation bled away from Ben’s gaze as he stared to his girlfriend, too. “No. It’s not. That’s what you do, though, Kylo. To both of us, but mostly to Rey. It’s just part of the deal now.” 

Kylo didn’t like how he left it hanging, and stepped away to disappear into the bathroom, wanting to wrap his mind around what that meant. He’d already sacrificed so much to get to where he was, had poured his heart and soul into getting this band to where it was, and wanting to go so much further, but what could he expect once they did? 

What would Rey, or Ben, do while he went on tour with the others? Rey hadn’t slept with him, understanding that he might be on the road any month now, that he might not be as nearby as he was currently. He’d forced that upon her, and now that they were hopelessly entangled, could he really ask her to follow him? To understand that whatever happened while he was on tour didn’t affect them? 

He slammed his fist against the wall and felt it give, his knuckles making a dent in the darkly colored drywall. He was so fucked. Utterly, hopelessly, fucked. 

 

His shit mood came through in his performance. Whereas their first one had been a damn miracle that it’d gone so well, spurred on by Rey’s surprising presence, this one felt like a funeral dirge: endless, and depressing as all get out. Hux and Phasma did everything they could to pull it from the ashes, and while Kylo worked his hardest to try and pull himself from the rut, he’d be lying if he said his heart was in the music. 

Given the lines of disappointment etched on Snoke’s face, it showed. 

He didn’t talk to anyone once the set had finished, storming off the stage and slamming the door to the band’s room behind him, hurrying to collect his things before the rest of them got there. He’d call an Uber, or catch a taxi or something--he couldn’t be with anyone else right now. The door to the room opened, then shut, while his back was to it, and he wheeled around with every intention of shouting that they needed to leave him alone when he stopped. Ruby, one of the First Order’s first fans, smiled shyly at him from where she leaned up against the door. Her brown hair was pulled back into a messy bun, her dark eyes were playful, and she’d forgone a bra and pair of panties, given the skintight nature of her leggings, while the chilly air had her nipples hard. 

“You look like you could use a mood booster,” she purred, stepping towards him on heels that still didn’t manage to bring her to his height. Kylo’s stomach knotted as his shoulders went rigid, pulling away when Ruby ran a hand down his chest. 

“I’m really not in the mood,” he said, perhaps a little harsher than he should’ve given that she was a consistent fan and always bought tickets no matter how far away their performances were. He found he could give a shit about all that. 

“Doesn’t mean you can’t be.” Her well-manicured hand slid down from his chest to his cock, massaging it with a certain level of familiarity that he really wasn’t proud of in that moment. They’d fooled around more times than he liked to count, Kylo having found it easy to take her behind, his fingers threaded through her brown hair as he pretended she was Rey. Now that he’d had the real thing she could hardly compare. He smacked her hand away, and Ruby actually jumped. 

“What the fuck, Kylo?” she spat. “What’s wrong with you?” 

“What’s wrong with me?” he demanded. It was like something had snapped within him. She’d seen him mad, but never  _ furious _ , and the pent up irritation, the lack of support, and his failure on the stage compounded. With a roar, he turned and swiped his hand over the belongings on the nearest table, throwing the beer bottles and food that’d been set out for afterwards to the floor with a great crash. Ruby screamed, stepping back as quickly as she could manage before he snarled for her to get the fuck out. 

The door opened seconds later, Hux in the door frame followed close behind by Ben, Phasma, and Rey, who watched Ruby scuttle out with an unreadable look on her face. Hux’s shouting blended into one dull, unrecognizable or discernable sound, as Kylo’s gaze zeroed in on Rey. She stared at him, lips pursed, before she turned and walked away as slowly as though she was stepping through molasses. 

He ignored Hux and threw the closest vase instead, not caring that whatever money he’d just made on this gig was going right back into Snoke’s pocket for damages. He needed to destroy something, or he’d destroy whatever it was that they had going on. 


	15. Chapter 15

Rey didn’t say anything as Ben drove them home. Her mind was too busy to realize that he was looking at her every couple of minutes, too busy recounting what she’d just seen. Her heart hammered as her ears repeated the crashing of the bottles, of Ruby’s scream. She’d seen the woman at several of the other shows First Order had played, but never given two shits about her. Not really, at least. Still, her scream had been  _ awful,  _ Rey’s skin prickling with the memory. 

To her left, Ben cleared his throat, and she caught the tailend of his glance her way. She chewed on the inside of her cheek. “If you’re going to say ‘I told you so’ I don’t want to hear it,” she said with a mutter of her own, pulling her legs up to her chest. 

“I wouldn’t dare say that to you,” Ben assured her. “You’d kill me.” 

The corners of her lips twitched. “Yeah, I would.” 

“But--.” 

“There’s no but about this Ben. You saw Ruby’s face. You saw what he did. That violence? It scares the shit out of me.” She shot him a look, certain that she wasn’t alone in this. Hadn’t Ben just warned Kylo about fucking up like this? About the repercussions coming back to haunt them all now that they were . . . whatever it was they were? What if that woman filed charges against Kylo and he ended up in jail for assault, or was fined a helluva lot more money than they had for destruction of property to Snoke’s place? He didn’t  _ think _ , and Rey couldn’t understand why he just went with whatever his Id told him to. 

“It worries me too, Rey,” Ben assured her, stopping at a light to turn and look at her. “But pushing him away right now--.” 

Rey shot him a glare. Really? “For the love of God, will you make up your damn mind about what you want to do? Before you were telling him not to screw up, and now you’re defending him? Which is it?” The words came out in a snarl. She hadn’t meant to sound so angry, but she needed stability, and neither man was offering it to her. Her chest clenched and tears creased the corners of her eyes. Furious she rubbed at them, sniffling and hating herself for it. She was letting herself get far too emotionally invested, and it wasn’t going to end well for any of them if she didn’t get her shit under control. If they weren’t going to be emotionally balanced or stable, as she’d come to expect at least Ben to be, then she’d have to provide it for herself. Crying wasn’t going to get any of them anywhere. At her side, Ben grew quiet, his gaze fixed on the road now that the light turned green once more. He didn’t seem to be looking in her direction, either. Rey watched heat heavy, as the minutes passed, her gut turning to stone with every blink of the dash clock. Two minutes. Five minutes. 

“I’m sorry.” Her voice was soft, resigned to her apology as she sighed heavily. 

Ben seemed to deflate right beside her, his hands relaxing on the steering wheel, shoulders slumping ever-so slightly. “You don’t have to be,” he said. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. I know that this is confusing. It’s that way for all of us, Rey. Trust me.” She heard him exhale loudly and felt her body relax, if only just. “I want to expect the world from Kylo. I want to be able to trust him and to know that he’s got our best interest in mind as well as his own. I want to support him, because he’s my brother, but moreso because the more supported he is, the better off he is. The better off we all are.” He stopped to take a breath, and she reached over to squeeze his hand, her own significantly dwarfed by his enormous palm and long fingers. Shit. “But,” he continued. “I know that sometimes even when you do support him he can still be a jackass and fuck it all up, so I’m torn. I want this to work. It makes you happy--to have both of us--so I want it to work itself out. It’s good for both you and Kylo to have someone there for you, even if he isn’t the most stable at least he’s present when I have to go to work for extended periods of time. With mom getting the deal--.” 

“She did?” Rey whipped her head around so quickly that it made her neck ache. She winced. Fuck. 

“Yeah, sorry. Didn’t know when to tell you given that I found out today. She’s heading back. But that means we might have more extended trips overseas,” Ben said with a grimace, and Rey felt any elation leech from her body. Fuck. “I want you to have Kylo so that you aren’t alone, and him to have you for the same reason. I just--I don’t want you to be put at risk because of it, but I know that backing away now? Big mistake.” 

Rey grimaced. Yeah, she was getting that. As if their situation wasn’t complicated enough. Silently, she considered what few options they had in front of them as they wound their way home, the roads empty given the time of day. Kylo’s car was already parked at their apartment, the driver leaning against the side of the car, chainsmoking his way through a whole pack if the littered cigarette butts that surrounded him were any sign. Rey grimaced, chewing on the inside of her cheek, and when Ben parked she was the first up and out of the car, stepping towards him. Ben, for whatever the reason, stayed behind, giving the pair of them time. Kylo’s dark gaze flitted upwards as Rey grew closer. She’d memorized the lines that carved his face enough to know that he regretted what’d happened, that he didn’t know what to say, so rather than talk she simply took the cigarette from his lips and dropped it on the ground, crushing it with the heel of her shoe. He didn’t argue, his body visibly shaking as she moved to take his hands. She squeezed them, and brought his knuckles up to kiss them. 

“Let’s go inside,” she murmured softly, lips brushing against his skin before she looked upwards at him. He looked close to tears, and she watched as he struggled to swallow whatever it was he wanted to say. Instead, he opted for a quick, curt nod, and followed her as she made her way towards the apartment, fingers laced through his. She didn’t have to look back to know that Ben was following closely behind. 

 

\--

 

“You’re sure you’re okay with this?” 

Kylo had to try and not roll his eyes, chewing on the inside of his cheek to keep from snorting and ruining the already good day that they’d been having. If he had to listen to Ben ask the both of them one more time whether or not they were totally fine with  _ their idea  _ coming to fruition he was going to--. 

“Ben. I love you. Yes.” Rey’s voice was tinted with the tiniest bit of exasperation, but not irritation. That was saved for whenever Kylo got on her last nerve and sent her into a tizzy, which tended to result in hot, up against the wall sex. She got irritated with him a lot, and he grinned as he looked over at where his twin and their girlfriend were tangled up on the loveseat, Rey’s feet nudging Kylo’s as they looked around the room of their new apartment. Between the three of them it’d gotten more than aggravating to have to go back and forth between Kylo’s place and Rey and Ben’s, so a new apartment, a new lease, had been suggested by Rey and agreed upon by the twins. 

That Ben kept bringing it up only proved that Kylo was not dreaming. In his dreams his twin wasn’t a worry wart, but rather went along seamlessly with whatever hairbrained scheme he could come up with. Real life was far more . . . tricky to finagle him to go along with it, unless of course he had Rey’s stamp of approval already. 

“We all agreed it was a waste of gas and time to travel back and forth all the time,” Kylo reminded him with a nudge, watching as Ben’s gaze turned to face him. 

“I know, it just feels--I’m sure I’m going to wake up any minute now and be on the plane, and none of this will’ve happened.” Kylo watched the edges of a blush turn Ben’s ears tomato red, and couldn’t resist elbowing him in the side. 

“You’re not going soft on me, Bennie, are you?”

“Shut up.” 

Rey snorted, eyes rolling as she got up and off of Ben’s lap, turning to face them with her hands on her hips, eyes fixated on the pair. “If living with you two means I have to listen to you arguing all the time then  _ yes _ , I am reconsidering this.” 

Ben opened his mouth but Kylo cut him off. “Thought you liked yelling at us when we gripe, though.” 

She arched a brow, and a lesser man would’ve cowered. It only made Kylo sit up straighter. 

“You know what I like  _ more  _ than that?” she asked, voice low. The hairs on the back of Kylo’s neck stood up, and Ben shifted, as though suddenly uncomfortable. “When it’s two nights before one of my boyfriends leaves and we  _ don’t  _ get into a petty squabble. When the both of you fuck me into our new mattress and help me christen the damn apartment rather than snipe at one another.” 

Turning on her heel, she strode towards their bedroom, the sashay in her hips making Kylo’s mouth water. When she picked up, and threw off her shirt, leaving it on the floor to be followed by the cut offs she’d been prancing around in, it was a mad dash to get to the bedroom after her. She had, Kylo thought bemusedly as Ben picked her up and into his arms with practiced ease, a very, very good point. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, my friends, this is it! It literally just came to me as I was considering writing another story how I wanted to end it . . . and here we are.   
> Thank you, thank you, thank you for sticking with me on this wild ride. It's by far one of the stories I was most anxious about writing, but you are all such amazing people that helped assuage those concerns. I hope this was a satisfying ending enough for the wait, and thank you as ever for sticking through it with me.   
> You're all amazing.


End file.
